Trump: Why Didn't The FBI Tell Me The Thing It Told Me, IMPEACH!
Look, we know it's not actually NEWS when Ol' Yeti Pubes tells a lie. It's kind of his thing, like bankruptcy and barebacking pornstars. But since we look to be headed into a Category 5 Mueller Storm, let's flag this weakass piece of driftwood Trump's getting ready to hang onto for dear life.
President Trump: I've always said that the Russia hoax was an excuse for them losing the election. Even though actually, amazingly that started seven months before. That started when it looked like I may have a chance to win, OK? But see that didn't do anything to me because I didn't know about it.
One thing on that again, also, if they thought there was something with Russia, and I'm one of two people that are gonna be the president of the United States, they should have come to me and said, "Sir, you're dealing with people that may have something to do with Russia. We want to let you know." And I'd say, "I'm sorry whoever it may be, you gotta go, sorry."
John Solomon: They never did that, did they?
President Trump: They never did it, no, they never did it. No, but wouldn't you think they'd say hey, you know there's two people that have a chance.
(There was a brief interruption in the interview.)
Yes, it's tempting to speculate about that "brief interruption." Just which part of Trump's anatomy did these two very serious journalists fondle off the record? But don't get distracted, because, ewwwwwwwwww! And also, HE IS LYING OUT HIS ORANGE ASS!
The FBI told Donald Trump in August of 2016, during the campaign, that the Russians were trying to grab Trumpland by the naked greed and incompetence. NBC reports,
The briefings were led by counterintelligence specialists from the FBI, the sources said. They were timed to occur around the period when the candidates began receiving classified intelligence, the officials said, which put them at greater risk for being targeted by foreign spies. Trump's first intelligence briefing as Republican nominee was Aug. 17, 2016, sources told NBC News at the time.
Trump was "briefed and warned" at the session about potential espionage threats from Russia, two former law enforcement officials familiar with the sessions told NBC News. A source close to the White House said their position is that Trump was unaware of the contacts between his campaign and Russians.
And, by the by, Don Jr. got an email offering sexxxxxy Hillary dirts as "part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump," in June of 2016, and his response was, "I love it!" But please, tell us more about the DEEP STATE CONSPIRACY to do GOTCHAS on poor, innocent Donald Trump by hiding Russia's outreach efforts from him.
Simmer down, Poppy!
And speaking of Donald Trump and the FBI ... last night Trump sat down with Sean Hannity to ask why Dr. Christine Blasey Ford didn't "call the FBI 36 years ago" when a drunken Brett Kavanaugh tried to rape her.
And suddenly, all our guilt for making fun of Trump's misshapen junk DISAPPEARED!
Lyinass, toad dick sumbitch needs to keep Dr. Blasey's name out of his filthy mouth!
Follow your FDF on Twitter!
Almost made it to the weekend! Click here to keep your Wonkette snarking for whatever crazy shit is coming next week.
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.