There's that humble servant leader we've all come to know and love!

Donald Trump, soon-to-be previous president of the United States, did one of his superspreader rallies in Greenville, North Carolina, on Thursday before his HOOOOOOOO BOY rally on NBC News. It was just great. During the rally, Trump told a story about Jesus.



TRUMP: Somebody said to me the other day ...

No they didn't.

TRUMP: Somebody said to me the other day YOU'RE THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON IN THE WORLD BY FAR! I said no I'm not. No I'm not. They said YES YOU ARE! I said nope. They said who's more famous? I said JESUS CHRIST.

Just like he thinks he's done more for Black people than anybody else except maybe Abraham Lincoln, he probably thinks he's done more for humanity in general than anybody else except Jesus.

How broken do you have to be to say shit like that? Just a failure of a human life, really.

Also, remember how Trump did a fucked up town hall Thursday night with NBC News — we are pretty sure we'll have a post on that sometime this morning (OH WE DO!), because HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOY! — because NBC News was so stupid it allowed him to do that? Here is Trump smearing NBC News and town hall moderator Savannah Guthrie, and bragging that he is getting a "free hour of television." Feeling good about your decision, NBC News?

And here is Trump making fun of Joe Biden's shoulder and making the same faces he made when he made fun of that disabled reporter in 2016.

Look, we have had a long week and you do not want to watch one million videos of that man running his fucking mouth. Luckily, Aaron Rupar from Vox, as usual, live-tweeted it, so we can just send you to the highlights:

  • The part where Trump told a "good story" about chief of staff Mark Meadows, explaining how he got on the airplane with Trump even though he knew Trump had just tested positive for coronavirus. "Good story."
  • The part where Trump continued to perpetuate the conspiracy theory that all the Democrats will reopen their states on November 4, because all of this fake "pandemic" nonsense is just an election strategy to make him (who just allegedly recovered from COVID-19) look bad. As if we needed anything else to make him look bad. In that clip, he also called Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer a "prison warden."
  • The part where Trump got a little mini-stiffy once again talking about how the US Marshals killed the ANTIFA GUY who was suspected of killing one of his supporters in Portland.
  • The part where Trump smeared Dr. Anthony Fauci by calling him a "Democrat" and a "nice guy" and lied and said Fauci had said masks are bad and that coronavirus wasn't a threat.
  • The part where ... whatever the fuck this is. It includes him begging "suburban housewives" to love him, because of how they hate him and he's desperate for the attention of "suburban housewives."
  • The part where he said Hillary Clinton did not break the glass ceiling, "the glass ceiling broke her," and that the other person to NOT break the glass ceiling will be "KAAAA-MAAAA-LAAAAAA." Because that's how he says it, because he's racist. KAAAA-MAAAAA-LAAAAAAA.
  • The parts where he lied about the New York Times publishing an article saying that the coronavirus pandemic was almost over, and lied and said the pandemic is just going to "peter out." Miraculously, probably!

And that, friends, is bloody fucking enough.

If you click on any of those videos, you are a masochist, but you should totally follow Rupar on Twitter if you don't already, because he does the Lord's work, which is slightly more famous than Donald Trump's work, because the Lord is slightly more famous than Trump, according to Trump, who is very famous.

Hey, one more time, y'all hear Trump did a baaaaaatshit town hall last night too? HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOY. Stay tuned to your Wonkette for our hi-larious take on THAT.

In summary and in conclusion, the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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