Take it from the president, kids. DRUGS ARE NOT COOL!

The best way to prevent drug addiction and overdose is to prevent people from abusing drugs in the first place. If they don’t start, they won’t have a problem. If they do start, it’s awfully tough to get off. So if we can keep them from going on and maybe by talking to youth and telling them: No good, really bad for you in every way. But if they don’t start, it will never be a problem.

Not convinced? Well, how 'bout from the coolest little lady in DC, Miss Kellyanne Conway.

The best way to stop people from dying from overdoses and drug abuse is by not starting in the first place. That's a big core message for our youth.


Okay, final offer! Who wants to Hugs Not Drugs with this strapping young lad? Hope that's a yes, because this young fella is your Deputy Drug Czar. Hooray! Or he was until some nosy parkers at the Washington Post pointed out that a 24-year-old with a padded (read: lying) resume and zero relevant experience is an odd choice to lead the nation's anti-drug efforts. So now poor Taylor Weyeneth is back to being a lowly desk jockey. SAD!

It's not Taylor's fault, really. Well, lying about having a Masters degree, inflating his volunteer hours and pretending that helping out at his family business in high school made him "Director of Production" is on him -- 24 is plenty old enough to know better. But being made Deputy Chief of Staff at the Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) just kinda happened.

See, Trump is busy with important president stuff right now, like attacking the media and livetweeting Fox & Friends. So he asked Kellyanne Conway to deal with the whole opioids thing. Conway is busy doing ... whatever the hell she does. Begging someone to let her come on teevee, we guess. Anyway, no one in Trumpland has time for this drug shit. They tried to cut the funding for ONDCP, but then all the senators were like, "Boohoo, can't let 'em just die, show some compassion" or something. So instead they decided to stash campaign yahoos like Taylor there. It won't do anything to stop the drug problem, but it keeps the lil' Trumpers off the streets.

But then all the grownups started rushing the exits.

Trump has pledged to marshal federal government talent and resources to address the opioid crisis, but nearly a year after his inauguration, the drug policy office, known as ONDCP, lacks a permanent director. At least seven of his administration’s appointees have departed, office spokesman William Eason said. Among them was the general counsel and acting chief of staff, some of whose duties were assumed by Weyeneth, according to a memo obtained by The Washington Post.

“ONDCP leadership recognizes that we have lost a few talented staff members and that the organization would benefit from an infusion of new expert staff,” said the Jan. 3 memo from acting director Richard Baum, a civil servant. “The functions of the Chief of Staff will be picked up by me and the Deputy Chief of Staff.”

Leaving the Boy Wonder as second in command at an office with a $368 million budget. Prior ONDCP Deputies have had legal and policy degrees and work experience in law enforcement and public health. But don't worry, because Taylor has a BS in "Legal Studies." Plus, he had a relative who died of an overdose, and it "really affected him." So we're in good hands. The Trump administration cares deeply about the 20 million Americans with substance abuse issues and the 52,000 overdose deaths every year in this country. Help is on the way, West Virginia!

OR ... they're not sending their best people. They give no shits about anything that isn't tax breaks or Muslim bashing. And The Wall, of course. There is no national drug control policy or strategy other than expanding private prisons and locking people up. In which case, just as well that they're sending incompetent douchebros who can't even find the mens room without using Waze. If you think about it, it's actually a NiceTimes story, right?

LOL just kidding. But maybe it will go better than that time we sent the 23-year-old Bush campaign workers to rebuild Iraq.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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