Have you HEARD about what a thug moron Trump's new acting attorney general Matthew Whitaker is? This is a dude who appears at least to have been dropped on his head as a child and probably during a few college football games, and that is why Trump LIKES him. (He loves #Dumbs.) Seriously, kids, if you ever talk about this guy without talking about what a fucking dumbass he is, you are doing it wrong.

Seriously, sports fans, you wanna see how stupid this guy is?


But anyway, we told you this morning that Trump's decision to fire Jeff Sessions and, instead of following the proper line of succession, installing as acting attorney general a complete asslicker who is already VERY LOUDLY on the record as thinking Robert Mueller's investigation is a witch hunt, is an ACHTUNG RED ALERT moment. That's why you're hitting the streets this afternoon! The dude has said out loud, during his cable news appearances/Trump administration job interviews (same thing), that he has a plan to kill the Mueller investigation with a thousand budget cuts, and suddenly he is in charge of that investigation. This is bad. It is very bad.

He should recuse himself. He has ethics issues coming out his surely very muscular ass, including his past statements and his friendship with Mueller investigation witness Sam Clovis, and the DoJ will surely tell him that. However, according to the Washington Post, people close to Captain Dumbfuck say he will definitely not do that. Hell, why would have Trump put him there in the first place if dude hadn't sworn a loyalty oath to his pathetic god king? Whitaker's buddies -- probably named Boof and Squi, if we had to guess -- also say he probably will piss all over any attempt to subpoena Trump for an interview.

Of course, there have been legal minds wondering since yesterday if Whitaker's appointment is even legal, considering how the Federal Vacancies Reform Act works, but an op-ed has just come out in the New York Times from former solicitor general Neal Katyal and current Kellyanne's husband GEORGE CONWAY, arguing that our questions about the legality of the appointment can fuck off, because it's not even constitutional. It further argues that, as such, any actions Whitaker takes in his current position are invalid and can also fuck right off.

It all comes down to the Appointments Clause (Article II, Section II, Clause II), which governs whom the president can and cannot appoint as "principal officers," i.e. people whose only Boss Of Them is the president. Those folks have to be Senate-confirmed. Katyal and Conway note that months back, Trump got in his tiny little syphilis head that Robert Mueller's appointment itself was unconstitutional, based on a stupidass op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, but explain very slowly for the people in the back of the room that because Mueller has a boss who isn't the president, he is not a principal officer, therefore please pound a flagon of iced shit water at your earliest convenience.

Matthew Whitaker, in his non-Senate-confirmed "acting" role, has only one Boss Of Him. That is his real dad, Donald Trump, who is even dumber than he is.

And just to be TrollDick McLOLs, Katyal and Conway are relying on an interesting source to back up their argument:

If you don't believe us, then take it from Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, whom President Trump once called his "favorite" sitting justice. Last year, the Supreme Court examined the question of whether the general counsel of the National Labor Relations Board had been lawfully appointed to his job without Senate confirmation. The Supreme Court held the appointment invalid on a statutory ground.

Justice Thomas agreed with the judgment, but wrote separately to emphasize that even if the statute had allowed the appointment, the Constitution's Appointments Clause would not have. The officer in question was a principal officer, he concluded. And the public interest protected by the Appointments Clause was a critical one: The Constitution's drafters, Justice Thomas argued, "recognized the serious risk for abuse and corruption posed by permitting one person to fill every office in the government." Which is why, he pointed out, the framers provided for advice and consent of the Senate.

OH HUH! Katyal and Conway conclude that if the Constitution is good enough for the general counsel of the NLRB, it sure as HELL is good enough for the overgrown jock serving as the top law enforcement officer in the entire country.

Seems convincing enough! Read the whole thing if you wanna. It's worth your time.

As a side note, George Conway's couch must be 'SPENSIVE and COMFY if he's willing to sleep on it so many nights after intentionally calling Kellyanne's boss a piece of shit in the newspaper.

Anyway, keep all this in mind when you're making your signs for this afternoon's TAKE TO THE STREETS protests to protect the Mueller investigation. And say a special prayer, again, that Mueller's coming actions against folks like Don Jr. and whomever the fuck else are adequately sealed off from GrundlePoots McChunkNeck up there.

Gonna be a long couple months, y'all. Get ready.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!


Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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