Another day, another way for the so-called "Trump administration" to show how much they hate the poor. Time’s a-wastin’, boys, so get to hatin’!

Never mind, they are totally ON IT.

Last March, when the War on the Poor was a rearguard action being waged by Paul Ryan and his Merry Band of Shitheels, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) extended the existing Lifeline phone subsidy program to cover broadband internet access for poor Americans. Were you aware that lack of internet service might deter people from applying for jobs, finishing homework, and participating in civil society? Shut up, Hippie! What do you know about regulating the Intertubes!

In fact, subsidizing phone service to poor people was dreamed up under that noted Community Organizer Ronald Reagan, continued under Papa Bush and Mrs. Clinton’s Husband, then expanded to include cellphones in 2008 during the Dubya Days. We all paid a little bit extra on our phone bills to support the program, we all grumbled, then we all turned on the teevee and forgot about it.

So far, so white.

But then we got a black President from Kenyonesia, and the previously uncontroversial program morphed into OBAMAPHONEGHAZIGATE!!!!!1!! A sinister plot to provide free cellphones to drug dealers and terrorists and kidnappers of pretty blond girls!!

As any Fox News viewer knows, we only trap the poor in a cycle of dependence by making their lives a little less shitty. Just how much less shitty are we talking about? Welp! Those Lucky Ducky Medicaid and Food Stamp recipients qualify for a whole $9.25 per month discount on either their phone or internet bill!

NINE DOLLARS AND TWENTY-FIVE CENTS. That’s less than a week of service on Cricket Mobile. And we don’t even subject them to humiliation to get it. Injust! Unpossible!

Never fear, Wonkers, because the Gropenfuhrer Administration is gearing up to destroy the Lifeline program make the Lifeline program even better by rooting out waste, fraud and abuse. Praise the Lord!!

What specific waste, fraud and abuse they can’t say. But new FCC Commissioner Ajit Pai has the right to cancel any licenses granted to Lifeline internet providers in the last 30 days of the previous administration, and that’s exactly what he did on Friday afternoon to the nine companies approved in December and January.

Claiming that the licenses had been rammed through without allowing sufficient debate or comment, Pai abruptly revoked the licenses without allowing any time for debate or commentary.

To be fair, it was absolutely essential to revoke the license for the telecom company Kajeet, which provides mobile hotspots to kids in 300 school districts so they can complete their homework at night. Pai meticulously detailed his reasoning in the Order on Reconsideration issued Friday, February 3.

HAHAHAHA! Nope. I waded through the the whole thing. They mumbled something about a missing page on Native American Tribes in the applications and the aforementioned WASTEFRAUDANDABUSE, then called it a day. Seriously, these people aren’t even trying to pretend any more.

Cheer up, Pai! It’s only your first month on the job. I’m sure you’ll hit your stride next week when you go after Net Neutrality.


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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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