Trump's New Hampshire COVID Rally Postponed For, Uhhh, Weather, You Bet
No Bareback Spitswappin' Covidpalooza for you, New Hampshire! The Trump campaign just canceled the rally scheduled for 8 o'clock tomorrow night in an airplane hangar in Portsmouth, so you'll just have to Netflix 'n' chill on Saturday night like the rest of us. Get it on, Granite Staters!
Kayleigh McEnany, who never lies, told reporters on Air Force One that the MAGA event was off because of a "big storm," while campaign comms director Tim Murtaugh said it would be postponed for "safety reasons because of Tropical Storm Fay."
With Tropical Storm Fay heading towards the Great State of New Hampshire this weekend, we are forced to reschedule… https://t.co/zmLiDUhGYE— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1594401080.0
Hey, Weather Channel, what's going on tomorrow in Portsmouth?
What? Unpossible! Hang on a sec.
See? Bad weather all day!
The Washington Post notes that "It was not clear whether the New Hampshire rally was on track to fill up." Which is Postspeak for "OMG, you liars, did you think we wouldn't check the goddamn weather report?"
After last month's debacle in Tulsa when talking hairball Brad Parscale bragged about one million attendees and constructed an overflow stage, only to be humiliated when fewer than 7,000 people showed up, the campaign is taking no chances. By Monday Gabe Sherman over at Vanity Fair will have the whole tick-tock of staffers sorting through the RSVPs and crying in their breakfast tequila as they realize they'd been punked again by the K-Pop stans. You love to see it!
Why Trump is holding a rally in a state he has little chance of winning, particularly in the middle of a pandemic, is not entirely clear. Amid questions about the safety of the event, New Hampshire's Republican Governor Chris Sununu has steadfastly refused to issue a mask order for mass assemblies because, ummm ... Black Lives Matter protests?
"We've treated all gatherings in the state, from the time the pandemic began to today, the same, whether they were the Black Lives Matter protests, whether there were protests on the statehouse lawn, whether it's a political rally, whatever it is, everyone's always treated the same," he told reporters Tuesday. "So to have a mask order for one and not the other isn't fair, doesn't make sense."
Which makes complete sense if you ignore the fact that protests are generally outside, not thousands of people jammed into an airplane hangar huffing each other's droplet-laden exhalations for three hours — and hell, he could have ordered masks for the BLM protests too. Knock yourself out! But if the airport hangar sounds ever so slightly risky, apparently Governor Sununu agrees with you.
"I will not be in the crowd of thousands of people, I'm not going to put myself in the middle of a crowd of thousands of people, if that's your question specifically," he said. "I try to, unfortunately, you know, I have to be extra cautious as the governor, I try to be extra cautious for myself, my family."
It's safe enough for you proles, but for the governor ... NFW. Only it's not, because apparently the weather will be so bad that they can't even meet indoors. Stay safe, everyone! And look for that rally to be rescheduled the fifth of NEVER.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.