Trump Regime's Newest Power-Player Allowed To Eat Pizza Whenever He Wants, Doesn't Even Have Curfew

Y'all remember Hot Johnny, yeah? John McEntee used to be Donald Trump's "body man" at the White House, until one day in 2018 when he got ass-walked off the premises because he was being investigated for Serious Financial Crimes, couldn't get a clearance, or apparently even pass a background check. Turns out it was gambling problems of some sort, but the point is we named him Hot Johnny because in Trump's sea of unfuckable deplorables -- see: Stephen Miller -- he had a pretty face.

Johnny (everybody calls him Johnny) got shuffled off to the Trump campaign, and then recently came back to the White House to lead the Presidential Personnel Office, where he has been masterminding The Purge of Trump White House officials deemed insufficiently loyal to Americathe regime. This is probably good for White House morale, because reportedly everybody just loved Hot Johnny, he made them feel good, and he was also Johnny With The Good-Natured Practical Jokes. Sometimes he even wrote people fake notes and said they were from Donald Trump, hahahahahahahahahahahaha Hot Johnny, just fucking shut up and take your pants off.

Hey look, it's Hot Johnny:

ANYWAY, Politico reports that Trump's fresh-faced fascist purge boy has made a new hire of his own, to be his right-hand man, and it is ... some college guy! Is it Hot Johnny's college boyfriend? Who can say! Point is, Hot Johnny's (Allegedly!) College Boyfriend is 23, his names is James Bacon, he goes to George Washington University, and he is allowed to have pizza whenever he wants and stay out past curfew, HAHA JUST KIDDING, JIMBO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CURFEW, on account of how he is a grown-up man now, with body hair on his Down Theres and everything!

James Bacon, 23, is acting as one of the right-hand men to new PPO director John McEntee, according to the officials. Bacon, a senior at George Washington University pursuing a bachelor's degree, comes from the Department of Transportation, where he briefly worked in the policy shop. Prior to that role, while still taking classes, he worked at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, where he was a White House liaison, according to two other officials. At HUD, he distinguished himself as Secretary Ben Carson's confidential assistant, according to two other administration officials.

Jimbo gets around! Politico says Jimbo would have finished college already, if he wasn't Bacon-ing his way through the Trump administration all the time. And apparently he's been with Hot Johnny forever, but again, we don't know if he is Hot Johnny's actual college boyfriend, or maybe Hot Johnny met him while doing a Good Deed in one of those mentorship programs for wayward youths.

Bacon will be PPO's director of operations overseeing paperwork and will assist on vetting. The role was previously filled by Katja Bullock, who is in her late 70s and was a veteran of the office in both Bush administrations, as well as the Reagan administration.

Cool. We bet Bullock is super-impressed with her replacement.

This all sounds like a good fit, because as the Washington Postreported in 2018, Trump's Presidential Personnel Office has a reputation for being an all-night vape party where they do drinking games like "Icing," which involves hiding some Smirnoff Ice in a secret hiding place (not their butts, allegedly), and then when somebody finds it, they have to drink it very quickly. This was reportedly done for the purposes of #hijinks and #fun.

Over at the MaddowBlog, Steve Benen notes that this is all of a piece with the Trump regime's history when it comes to hiring and vetting. Trump isn't known for seeking out people who Know Things or are Good At Job. (They get purged! Even more than they used to, now that Hot Johnny is in charge!) Trump just wants people who Eat Ass. (His.) And this is why you don't get anything out of this White House resembling "accomplishments," or as the president spells it, "ACHOMLISHMENTS."

Benen lists a few examples of this, like the son-in-law who became the boss of "Middle East peace" and "opioids" and "do Mexico stuff" and whatever else is on his list. And the wedding planner who gets to work at HUD. And of course, we will #neverforget that time Trump wanted Dr. Ronny to run the VA, mostly because Dr. Ronny said Trump was Not Fat, that Trump had the most delicious genes of any president who ever lived, and that Trump's brain was so good he could identify which animal was "camel" on his first try.

And then there's Ric Grenell. Fucking Ric Grenell, Trump's new acting director of national intelligence, whose only qualification for the job seems to be that he's a toe-sucking Trump loyalist Twitter troll with white nationalist sympathies. (And apparently some foreign clients who, in any other world, would disqualify him from getting a security clearance of any kind! But more on that later.)

Anyway, the point is that Hot Johnny has a Jimbo now, Jimbo is allowed to watch any R-rated movie he wants, Jimbo has an exam tomorrow, but he's gonna blow it off because he's got a new important powerful job helping Hot Johnny do purges at White House, and maybe after that, everybody can meet up at The Max to make flirtations with Kelly and Jessie, oh no, hope Mr. Belding is not there, that would be the pits!

In conclusion, we do not know if Jimbo's college buddies have nicknamed his penis "The Baconator," but we cannot definitively say they haven't.

The end.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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