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Have you heard of our friend, Jesus? He is just this dude who walks with us and talks with us and loves us just as we are without one plea, and oh yeah, almost forgot, HE DIED TO WASH AWAY YOUR MASTURBATION SINS. He is also allegedly friends with Donald Trump's "spiritual advisor" Paula White, a TV preacher, who had some thoughts to share after visiting one of Trump's jails for migrant brown children. First of all, she says the baby jails are super nice and have granite countertops and everything.

Also:


I think so many people have taken Biblical scriptures out of context on this, saying stuff like "well Jesus was a refugee." Yes, he did live in Egypt for three and a half years, but it was not illegal. If he had broke the law he would have been sinful, and he would not have been their messiah!

WE QUESTION YOUR BIBLE TRIVIA KNOWLEDGE, ASSHOLE.

First of all, Jesus was a total law-breaker, at least in the eyes of the teachers of the Jewish law, and also in the eyes of the Roman government.

John 5:18:

For this reason they tried all the more to kill him; not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.

WHOA IF TRUE JESUS, U BAD!

He was furthermore known for breaking what's known as the "Oral Torah," i.e. the traditions in Jewish law not written down in Torah.

Also, remember that time Jesus was crucified? (He sure does!) The Roman government didn't just say, "We crucify you, for no reason!" He was crucified because he had been deemed a criminal, having violated far greater laws than the misdemeanor committed in a first-time illegal border crossing into the United States from Mexico. He was accused of claiming to be a "king" (even though He really didn't, actually), which was very illegal, therefore He was crucified under Roman law.

Now, we can have a discussion over whether the Jewish leaders or the Roman government bore more of the blame for Jesus's wrongful conviction, but we're not gonna. We could have a theological discussion about what it means that, according to scripture, Jesus came not to destroy the law, but to fulfill it, but we don't wanna do that either, because we want to keep this on Paula White's level.

We will point out, though, that Jesus and his family most definitely were refugees, in every sense of the word. They got the fuck out of Bethlehem (Matthew 2) because King Herod was going to murder all the firstborn baby boys, much like families fleeing Central America are running because gangs are GOING TO KILL EVERYONE. So they went to Egypt for a while!

Does Paula White know this? Well, she might have learned it in seminary, IF SHE HAD EVER FUCKING GONE THERE:

Rev. Dr. Chuck Currie isn't Fake Newsin' you there either. Paula White ain't got a degree in shit. Moreover, we're pretty sure she doesn't speak Hebrew, Aramaic or Greek, considering how she is a TV "pastor" whose "job" is bilking stupid people out of their money. In other words, she is a con man, just like the president of the United States. (OK fine, she is a con LADY.)

In summary and in conclusion, Paula White should STFU about Bible and STFU about refugees and when she's done with that, she should STFU some more.

IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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If the world was a reasonable place, it would be entirely illegal to be as self -serving and full of shit as Mitch McConnell. In a desperate and pitiful play to shame Democrats into folding over like a bunch of beach chairs and coalescing around the Trump Train, that shifty-eyed turtle-faced goobledonker (I made that up and it fits, use it) decided to write himself an op-ed. Wait until you get a load of the title of his masterful self-own, you ready? Ok, here it is: "Will Dems work with us, or simply put partisan politics ahead of the country?"

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You know how whenever one of these horrible mass shootings happens, and we find out about the shooter, you think to yourself, "Where the hell was the family here? No one who knew this person thought to call the police or put them in an institution or take their guns away?" Well, finally, one family did call the police on their gun-hoarding, neo-Nazi, mass-murderer-idolizing relative -- and they may have prevented another mass shooting by doing so.

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