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Have you ever complained about taxes? You are not alone! People are like "boo taxes" and "taxes suck!" and "I am so tired of having tax people force me at gunpoint to give them money for illegal immigrants because that is definitely a thing that happens and I am not a crank!"


So Donald Trump, our president, listened to the people. He told his Goldman Sachs guys to make him a tax plan, and keep it simple and with small words so that even a common Donald Trump could read it! And they clicked their heels and bowed and came up with a very good tax plan.

Now, we know it is bad when bills are long and have many pages, because Sean Spicer explained the AHCA was better than Obamacare because Obamacare was TOO LONG and the AHCA was just the right height.

THIS tax plan is SIMPLE! It is explained EASILY: It takes away all personal deductions except for charity and mortgage (including deducting what you're paying to your state, although there was apparently not enough room on the single sheet of double-spaced bullet points to mention that), and it drops business taxes down to a flat 15 percent rate. Are you a business? Like maybe you do, I don't know, let's say real estate? If you have an "S corp" or pass-through business (that is where you are a Trump or a Wonkette and your business is pretty much you), you will pay less than the people you employ, which is only fair because "makers." Are you an estate tax or an alternative minimum tax, both of which affect SOME people (the Trumps) more than OTHERS (everybody else)? You no longer exist!

But what is in this for Wonkette, you are obviously asking! Well, it is GOOD for Wonkette, because we are a business. But it is BAD for Wonkette because this is literally exactly What Happened To Kansas, and probably Somalia, and if the economy goes to shit (which it does every time a Republican is president), then none of you will have any money left over every month to send to us, and 15 percent of zero is zero :(

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

Yr Wonkette is entirely supported by donations from you, the reader. Please send us money so socialists won't make us take the stairs.

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