Trumps Try To Shiv Biden, Wind Up Murdering Irony

Since their father got caught with his dick in the Ukrainian cookie jar, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump have been making the rounds at Fox to profess their shock and outrage that Hunter Biden tried to monetize his last name. How very dare he use his family connections to suck up foreign cash, said the guys who booked 500 rooms in DC for a Saudi lobbyist a month after the 2016 election, before their father was even sworn in. The Trump spawn have never been much for self-awareness, but this is ... AMAZING.

I wish my name was Hunter Biden! I could go abroad, make millions off of my father's presidency. I'd be a rich guy. It would be incredible. But because my name is Trump, if I took 1.5 dollars from China, not $1.5 billion like Hunter, but $1.5, their heads would explode.

UH HUH. So, lets just rewind that tape like five hours. Did anything else happen yesterday in Trumpland? Any kind of gift or EMOLUMENT, if you will, from a foreign government?

So on the very day Deej was derping to Hannity (who was slurring like his coffee was Irish, right?) that Hunter Biden was LOCK HIM UP for getting paid to sit on foreign company boards, the Irish government was slipping a little extra shamrock in Donald Trump's pocket. And since the Trump boys have never had a real job, deciding instead to take up residence in their father's voluminous, pleated pant legs, they're cashing in on some of that Irish pocket cheer themselves. Sláinte!

Trump's Doonbeg resort has been in the news of late because, at his suggestion, Mike Pence traipsed 180 miles and back TWICE, at a cost of $600,000 for ground transportation alone, so that he could pay to sleep in the president's hotel during an official visit to Dublin last month. Which is, again, 180 miles away from Doonbeg.

In June, after a quick meeting with the Irish Prime Minister at Shannon airport -- PM Varadkar had refused to offer his implicit endorsement by meeting at a Trump property -- Trump shuffled off for two days of golfing at Doonbeg. His transportation costs topped $1,000,000. But don't worry, he remembered to tip himself, as well, racking up $16,325 in golf cart rentals for the secret service, €113,000 in food and room fees for the Irish gardaí, and Fahrenthold only knows how much in food and rooms for his entourage at the Trump Doonbeg. Which is a lot, but probably not enough to offset the yearslong losing streak for the property, which ran $2 million in the red during 2017 alone.

But now the Irish government is giving Trump a big, sloppy kiss by permitting the president to expand his golf resort. Because, contrary to the inarticulate wording of this tweet, Trump Doonbeg has not "granted planning permission to expand" its own property. IT GOT PERMISSION FROM THE IRISH GOVERNMENT. Which is what the Constitution refers to as an emolument, saying, "No Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under [the United States], shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince, or foreign State."

And how's he going to come up with yet more Euros to shovel into this moneypit of a property? Not clear! Guess those Trump boys will scare up the cash somehow. At least we know they won't be relying on their name and their father's position as nominal leader of the free world to do it, huh?

Hey, remember that time when Eric Trump slagged Hunter Biden for foreign business deals while his dad was in the White House?

The difference between us and Hunter is when my father became commander-in-chief of this country, we got out of all international business, right? When his father became vice president of the United States, he got into international business, that's the difference.

Which is absolutely true. If you don't count the Trump Residences Lido in Jakarta, the Trump condos going up in New Delhi, the recently approved expansion to Trump Turnberry in Scotland (which is being propped up with US tax dollars since our servicemembers started getting parked there on fueling stops), the Doonbeg expansion, and the Chinese trademarks Ivanka seems to get approved during trade negotiations. Oh, and there was the abortive effort to seize the G7 and host it at Doral in the off season.

But other than that, Donald Trump was being completely honest when he pinky swore that his company would do "no new deals" during his presidency. Promises kept! Hey, does anyone want to buy the Trump Hotel DC? Maybe someone who needs a really big favor in the last year (God willing!) of the Trump presidency? Going once, going twice ....

[NYT / Irish Times / Newsweek]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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