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bad at tweeting


Donald, we know we are not supposed to be asking questions about your very good brain, especially since everybody, even the Democrats, says there's no dementia in it. But this is just sad:

First of all, let's address the "substance" of the tweet, if we can even call it that: Donald, you're a full of shit lying racist. Also, Donald, you killed DACA. So fuck off, asshole.

OK! All finished with the "substance"!

But really, dude? "Dicky" is all you could have come up with? In four days? Look, we like Dick Durbin a lot, but even we can insult him better than that. How about DICKLESS DURBIN? Or ... TINY DICK DURBIN! Or ... WHAT A DICK DURBIN! LOSERDICK DURBIN! DICKLICKER DURBIN! LITTLE RICHARD!

Goddammit, Trump, THE MAN'S FUCKING NAME IS DICK. This is low-hanging fruit, even for stable geniuses who know the best words. (ALL 50 OF 'EM!)

Has Trump lost the mental capacity to come up with gems like Crooked Hillary or Lyin' Ted or Liddle Bob Corker or Little Marco or Failing New York Times? Has his brain slipped further into the abyss since last week, when he called Dianne Feinstein "SNEAKY DIANNE"?

We are just wondering, because "Dicky" is some weak sauce, and we expect better from the president. Not much better, because he's a fucking moron, but come on.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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