Trump's Victory Thank You Tour Marching Into Cincinnati, Will Annex Sudetenland
Bring your own torch!
President-elect Trump is pretty chuffed about winning the election and all that, but you know what he really misses? Campaign rallies! So why should he have to stop having campaign rallies just because the election's over? He's the president-elect, he can do what he wants! So starting with a rally in Cincinnati today, Trump's kicking off a "Thank You Tour" which his staffers are very very adamant the press should not call a "victory tour," so Victory Tour it is. No real reason for it; he's not selling his policy agenda, since he's still waiting to figure out what it is, but that's the beauty of a tour -- no specifics needed, just a spectacular show, maybe with some protesters to beat up, but mostly huge crowds of adoring fans telling Donald Trump they love him. Which is really all he wants, for the rest of the world to tell him it loves him as much as he loves him.
George Gigicos, Trump's advance man, said the tour is expected to focus on "swing states we flipped over," which suggests that you should never let your child share a swing set with George Gigicos. Possible destinations following the Ohio appearances may include Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida, states that President Barack Obama won twice and went to Trump this year. But who knows? Trump just likes being on tour. Maybe he'll get a van and travel the nation, making Americans' lives great one at a time, and possibly solving mysteries, too.
You may be shocked to learn that this is not the job creation Trump promised.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.