TSA Fired That Dude Who Fondled Your Hot Peen At The Denver Airport
Remember that time you were a super hot guy and you had to fly out of Denver? You were just going through the line like you always do, but all of a sudden they found an "anomaly," which required some dude to stop what he was doing and give your family jewels some extra attention, just to make sure you weren't hiding a heat-seeking missile in there. He touched you for a long time! You were creeped out, unless you're into that sort of thing, in which case you were flattered maybe? Yes, well, he has been fired, and so has his lady co-worker, because this was actually part of a big scheme to let that dude feel you up:
The male screener would give a signal to a female employee when a male passenger arrived that he thought was attractive, and she would falsely enter the sex of the passenger as female, so the machine would report an anomaly that triggered a pat down of a passenger's groin, police said in a report.
She told the TSA investigators she did this for the other officer at least 10 times in the past, according to the report.
Gross, lady! Uh, we know that lots of ladies out there just love having A Gay Friend, and even enjoy doing wingman stuff to get him laid, but groping people unwittingly -- people who are already in line, thinking "ugh, this again," hoping the cold temps in the airport don't make it even MORE embarrassing -- is kind of RAPEY, don't you think?
NBC reports that pervy gay dude (wait, we are being unfair, he could be a bisexual or a Mormon) was actually observed using the palms of his hands to conduct his "inspections," which, while the officer probably enjoyed that much more, is not the way it is supposed to be done. Also, what if the hot guy DID have a gun or a missile? Would he just sit there drooling while he kept stroking it, so excited that he finally got a guy to respond? What if it was WorldNetDaily chief Joseph Farah, carrying a loaded gun? This does not make us feel safe in a post 9/11 America! (Ha ha, just kidding, Farah probably isn't hot enough, unless fired dude is into '70s gay porn stars, in which case ... Joseph Farah, did your Freedom Rod get loved upon at the Denver airport? Send yr Wonkette a tip!)
Unfortunately, the former officers have not been arrested for their derrings-do, because no victims have actually come forward, but America can rest easy knowing that, with the Cock-Grabber and his Trusty Lady Sidekick out of the picture, the TSA can go back to sniffin' your armpits and letting known terrorists fly.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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