Tucker's Lie About Biden Making Russia Invade Ukraine Really Getting Its Wings Now

We were just discussing some truly shocking polls that suggest the American people, at least for right now, seem OK with at least some bit of personal sacrifice ("pain at the pump," like the kids call it), if it means we can destroy Vladimir Putin's economy enough to get him to pull his murder brigades out of Ukraine. President Joe Biden told America yesterday that banning Russian oil won't necessarily be pleasant for American consumers, but pledged he'd do everything in his power to mitigate that.

But wait, why should Americans sacrifice for the greater good? And why aren't Americans rooting for the white nationalist murderer with Little Man Syndrome? Tucker Carlson is rooting for that guy, he's been saying so for several years now.

What gives? And what can we do to turn America against the innocents?

If Tucker Carlson isn't considering those exact questions, you coulda fooled us. Last night, Tucker moved into a new phase with his new conspiracy theory about how the Biden administration caused Russia to invade Ukraine — the phase where he just asserts things as truths everybody accepts, because he says so.

TUCKER CARLSON: It's hard to remember a betrayal at this scale. And yes, we have been here before, by the way. We've been in conflicts with Russia for a long time. The United States traded with the Russians through the height of the Cold War when the Soviet Union and the United States had nuclear weapons pointed right at each other, and we were worried one might go off. We traded with Joseph Stalin in the middle of his terror, at the very moment he was murdering 4 million — yes, Ukrainians. That happened. And then we armed Stalin. We armed the Soviet army as he was killing Ukrainians. And The New York Times endorsed all of it.

But now, because Putin invaded Ukraine — effectively encouraged by the Biden administration to do that, which is true — because that happened, we are going to send billions of dollars to the Saudi theocracy and then to the Iranians and to Nicolas Maduro in Venezuela. And at the same time, we're going to embrace green energy which means giving the government of China complete control over our power grid here in America.

That's our plan. Are you confused by it? Don't be. It's a moral victory. Let us know when you get tired of winning.

Any of that make sense to you? It's not supposed to. It's just anger words meant to jam at xenophobic bigots' Aryan prostates. Green energy means China controls your light switches, shit your already-soiled tighty whities, grandpa!

But you see the part we bolded? The part he just slammed right through, as if it was completely uncontroversial? That's how Tucker's Kremlin-style propaganda works. He introduces a concept, like for instance this bit he's been working up where he claims five out-of-context words from Vice President Kamala Harris in Munich effectively gave Putin the go-ahead to invade. This works on his viewers because he and they are racist misogynists threatened by Black women who are better than them. And then after a few nights of actually spelling out his conspiracy theory, he just stops explaining it, because they all know, right?

The Biden administration encouraged Vladimir Putin to invade Ukraine, didn't you know? What choice did poor Vlad have, when the Biden administration just kept saying Ukraine was a sovereign country? So unfair of them to taunt Putin like that, we all know he can't control himself around sovereign countries!

Tucker did this same thing just before Putin started his war, as he was trying to turn people against Ukraine and in Putin's direction. He introduced a conspiracy theory for which he provided scant evidence — that Ukraine isn't a real democracy — and he just repeated it each night until it became a throwaway line in his monologues. Obviously Ukraine isn't a democracy. Obviously the Biden administration started this war against Ukraine. Obviously.

And if you accept those premises, then Tucker and Putin win. Why indeed should we care about Ukraine? Why should we be OK with higher gas prices, to punish a guy who's not so bad after all and who only invaded Ukraine because Kamala Harris put him in a headlock with her scary sorceress powers and made him do that? WHY?

If you watch Tucker's full babbling monologue above, you'll see he frames the issue as one of class, because Frozen Dinner Fauntleroy is such a man of the people. He sounds super mad people are willing to deal with higher gas prices if it squeezes Russia's economy to the point that it forces Putin to stop murdering Ukrainian babies in children's hospitals.

Huffing and squeaking ever louder, Tucker read the results of a bullshit question from bullshit pollster Rasmussen, which asked if the US military should be involved if a wider war breaks out in Europe, and broke down the responses by income. Turns out people who make less are less for it than those who make more. We'd engage with that result if it wasn't such a bullshit question.

Unless Putin starts invading NATO countries, nobody is suggesting war in Europe, despite Tucker's nightly fearmongering. Everybody is trying to avoid it. And if Putin invades NATO countries, then America will have to deal with that, just like America (eventually) helped deal with Hitler. We'd love to hear whether Tucker truly in his heart thinks that was a good decision.

It was pretty funny when Tucker said that the people who are for war in Europe are people with "fake jobs and inherited money," though. We laughed at that.

In summary and in conclusion, this is the new Tucker conspiracy theory, so when your rightwing idiot uncle tells you Biden and Harris gave Putin the order to invade, this is where he learned that.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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