Look, Tucker Carlson is just going through some things right now. The FBI and the NSA are having slumber parties where they get drunk and sext Tucker pictures of his own Russian emails. (Allegedly!) He's, we imagine, at all times scared there's gonna be a gay man in every bathroom he enters. And of course there's that whole thing about how he's pretty sure teachers are destroying his own personal white race by teaching lessons that say Black people exist.

And now? AND NOW? And now the communist socialist Biden regime is taking away his "My body, my choice" and forcing him to get pregnant, with vaccines!



TUCKER: This is exactly what they told us [that] rightwingers, once they took over the government in 'The Handmaid's Tale,' were going to do, to the country, they would force you to put things in your body that you didn't want. They had full control of your body, you no longer had dominion over your body!

OK, first of all, the vaccine is voluntary, has always been voluntary, will always be voluntary. We should say that, just as a base line.

We should also note the obvious elephant in the room, which is that wingnuts like Tucker and his guest Charlie Kirk actually really do want to control people's bodies by forcing them to carry fetuses growing in their bodies to term.

But aside from all that!

We are sure Tucker has seen "The Handmaid's Tale." It's a very popular show! Tucker may not be clear on who are the heroes and who are the villains, of course. On the show, and in the book, the theocratic male Christian government requires women it considers sinful, but who are yet fertile, to endure rape by white Christian men in order that they may become pregnant and provide children for the white Christian men and their white Christian wives. Tucker thinks vaccines are just like that. How little regard must he have for women and their bodies to make that argument? And how little regard must his viewers have in order to watch it?

And again, white conservative men like Tucker and Little Mister No-Face LITERALLY WANT TO FORCE PREGNANT PEOPLE TO CARRY FETUSES INSIDE THEIR BODIES UNTIL THEY FORCE THEM TO GIVE BIRTH.

Meanwhile over here in Reality World, liberals and progressives and moderates and conservatives who don't eat paste — however few of those there are — understand that the vaccines are safe and effective and give people a really important layer of protection against dying of COVID or getting COVID and giving it to their old grandma, who then dies of it. And they understand that they're voluntary!

Wussy white men like GOP Rep. Dan Crenshaw might be hiding under their beds because they think Big Biden's Needle Truck is going door-to-door to give them shots, and we guess Tucker and Charlie are hiding under the covers too, but normal people are fine with it.

Before Tucker had his freak-out about Joe Biden forcing him to get pregnant with vaccines, Charlie Kirk opened the small butthole where his mouth would normally be located and whined that college students were going to have to live in a form of "medical apartheid," in response to colleges requiring students to be vaccinated. And Turning Point USA, Charlie's little group of deplorable unfuckables, is gonna FIGHT BACK.

Seriously:

KIRK: It's almost this apartheid-style open-air hostage situation, like oh you can have your freedom back if you get the jab. This is unacceptable, we're going to fight back against it.

TUCKER: That's exactly right.

Tucker like YEP, you said a racist thing, you are EXACTLY RIGHT.

It's a truly outrageous comparison, but it's important to remember that as known conservative white male idiots, Kirk's and Tucker's definitions of "apartheid" are probably "something that oppressed entitled white boys like me," just like their definitions of "critical race theory" are likely no deeper than "people telling truths that question white racists' supremacy and make them mad."

Thoughts and prayers for both of these morons, obviously.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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