Tucker Hates New Press Secretary, Guess Why, Bet You Can't

fox news
Tucker Hates New Press Secretary, Guess Why, Bet You Can't

Oh nothing, just Tucker Carlson analyzing the news through the lens of all his myriad inadequacies and masculinity complexes: the bathroom, the one he bragged about:

TUCKER CARLSON (HOST): Karine Jean-Pierre is our first out LGBTQ+ White House Press Secretary and that's all you need to know. It's a good thing, shut up and celebrate. That's why she got the job.

She's in the right group and so the Biden administration, which thinks exclusively in terms of groups and never in terms of individuals because individuals are messy and inconvenient, the group is all that matters.

No, you mediocre milquetoast porcelain-assed white boy, that's not why she got the job, it's just another glass ceiling broken. She got the job because she's great at it.

This is exactly how they pick Supreme Court justices or vice presidents or members of the Federal Reserve Board.

It is not. But do you know a thing the most recent Supreme Court justice has in common with the vice president has in common with the newest member of the Federal Reserve Board has in common with Karine Jean-Pierre?

They all intimidate Tucker Carlson for SOME reason. What y'all think it is?

And now, the all-important press secretary gig has gone to someone on the basis of group. It's really simple, show us your picture and we'll tell you if you're qualified for the job.

This is how inadequate white men explain why they were passed over for the job.

And in many ways, Karine Jean-Pierre is perfect for the job.

This should be good.

Not only is she a member of the out LGBTQ+ community, she's also, critically, the product of a private school and an Ivy League college and yet still oppressed somehow. She is furious at America despite her ample privilege and enraged by its racist systems of oppression. And she's happy to tell you about it.

Okeydoke, Tucker.

He followed that up by playing a clip of Karine Jean-Pierre doing none of those things, but we guess it sounds like it when you're that inferior.

Anyway, if you watch the clip, you'll see that Tucker does his high-pitched yelps a whole lot and really overpronounces Karine Jean-Pierre's last name, because as we all know, French names are gay and if you pronounce them like a normal person without affecting a mocking tone, you will now be gay. Those are the rules.

Or something.

The end.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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