Tucker Carlson: Mexican Anchor Babies Are The Real Hackers
Before we get all het up about Donald Trump's press conference with Vladimir Putin, Tucker Carlson says, we need to look at the larger perspective. Maybe Russia hacked us, maybe they didn't, but what about how Mexicans have interfered in our elections for decades just by being born here, huh?
"The Five" co-host Greg Gutfeld teed up Carlson's insights, noting that all the media outrage was hard to take seriously because the media has always blamed Putin for Hillary Clinton's 2016 loss, and aren't they shrill and silly? It was a sobering electoral analysis from a guy fiddling with what appears to be a ceramic unicorn on his desk:
Then Tucker got to the real point: There's more than one way to hack an election, and one big way is to fiendishly have babies who grow up to vote for Democrats.
I don't think Russia is our close friend or anything like that. Of course they're trying to interfere in our affairs; they have for a long time. Many countries do, some more successfully than Russia, like Mexico, which is routinely interfering in our elections by packing our electorate, so those are all concerns.
Gutfeld got the joke, and chortled. Good one, Tucker! Of course, we're merely assuming Carlson was talking about Mexicans coming to the US and having babbies, which may be far too generous -- he may have meant he believes millions of undocumented immigrants are literally voting, too, Maybe someone should tell him that's not a real thing? Voter suppression maven Kris Kobach lost a lawsuit over that and everything.
Having delivered that zinger, Carlson wasn't finished yet. He also had this nuanced appreciation of the current political moment:
I honestly can't understand why we need to believe that Russia is the primary issue of American political life. That seems kind of nuts to me.
Maybe you disagree with Trump, which is totally fine. But the idea that where you are on Russia is the defining question, that's kind of demented actually, because it's like No. 115 on the list of real concerns, at least in my mind. Maybe I'm the demented one.
At that last line, America's political bloggers thanked Carlson for the big fat pitch right over the plate. But truly, hasn't Carlson literally shown us the id of Trump voters here? Oh, sure, maybe Donald Trump might have gone to Moscow and said he trusts Vladimir Putin's word over the entire intelligence community's, but isn't that what Fox News has been saying all along, that the Deep State is Trump's greatest enemy?
And like Tucker Carlson, real Americans have far greater concerns than Russia. In fact, Yr Wonkette has hacked the Fox News server and obtained Tucker Carlson's list of the 114 things that concern him more than Russia. Here are the first entries:
- The Blacks
- The Messicans
- The Blacks
- Gays in the bathroom
- People speaking Spanish in supermarket lines
- Liberal professors who hate America
- Black lady buying crab legs
- Sex-crazed pandas
- Black football men
- Actual gypsies
Oh, yes, and on his own show last night, Carlson talked to NYU Russian studies professor emeritus Stephen Cohen, who Carlson proudly noted is also a contributing contributing editor to The Nation. Cohen, whose fawning over Putin has been embarrassing much of The Nation staff, had this to say: "The reaction by most of the media, Democrats and anti-Trump people is like mob violence." Cohen couldn't find anything bad to say about Trump's meeting with Putin, because after all, we need peace. Also, as Fox News explains, the USA has a lot more in common with Russia than we do with a lot of our so-called allies:
Cohen noted Russia is largely Christian, is a "frontier country" and has many other similar attributes.
White. The word they were looking for is white.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.