Tucker Carlson Weighs In On Black Lifeguards (Hint: Hiring Black Lifeguards Is The Same As Jim Crow)


Did you read our story last week about a program to diversify Phoenix's lifeguards at their majority-minority swimming pools? And did you worry that Jim Hoft and Judicial Watch, in responding to this program, were not being balls-out racist enough? Well good news, because Tucker Carlson is here to recalibrate the balance back toward HOLY FUCK TUCKER CARLSON, where every mention of black people belongs. And he pointed out with his airtight math science of words that hiring more minorities -- and having a training program that ups their skills is exactly the same thing as not letting black people vote, because "Jim Crow." Because of course he did.

His biggest assist though came from Crystal Wright of ConservativeBlackChick.com, who went straight to "black people can't swim and will murder your children with drowning."

“This is the same rationale that propped up Jim Crow for 80 years, right?” Carlson opined. “You want to swim in a pool with people who look like you. You want to sit in the same bus or the same movie theater or use the same water fountain as people who look like you. It’s diversity.”

“Segregation,” Wright agreed. “My parents grew up during segregation and they didn’t really like to be on the beach and at pools and seeing white people be able to use a different beach. Phoenix is making no sense, and they’re forcing some kind of segregation.”

“Hispanics and blacks tend to not be as good swimmers as whites, and many more black Americans and Hispanics, actually those kids don’t know how to swim,” Wright concluded. “This is just putting — it’s not good.”

This is just putting -- it's not good indeed! For the same reason, we should not be training black people and Spanics to be teachers, or doctors, or nurses, because letting them have jobs is just putting -- it's not good.

As has been pointed out elsewhere, these are swimming pool lifeguards we are talking about, because Phoenix does not have an ocean (YET!) so you don't need to be Olympic Swimmer Marylou Retton or Oscar Pistorius and able to save the children from the riptides. It's mostly telling kids to shut the fuck up, and letting them gaze at you with an inchoate preteen longing.

But yeah, helping to ensure that some lifeguards are not named Kip is totally the same thing as not letting the black and Spanic children swim in the pool at all. Oh, did we say at all? Sorry, they were totally allowed to swim on Mexican Mondays, after which the pool was drained and refilled.

So there you have it. Hire black people and your children will die and you will restart Apartheid. Good job, PHOENIX DIVERSITY CULT and your vipers nest of child-drowning NAZIS.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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