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Banned like a common Milo, except not.


Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn is having a bad day, because Twitter has turned her into a literal second-class citizen. If you were unaware, Blackburn has thrown her tin foil hat into the ring to replace Senator Bob Corker (R-Sassypants) when he retires next year, because for God's sake, it's time for Tennessee to be represented by a senator who is LITERALLY FUCKING CRAZY for once. But how can she do that if she's not allowed to give Twitter money to promote her new sexxxy campaign video, which is about how she stormed all the Planned Parenthoods BY HERSELF and forced them to stop selling millions of baby parts on the free market, in kiosks they set up in the Big Lots parking lot? Unfair!

Now, if you missed the most recent Republican primary, you might have forgotten how Carly Fiorina and others (but Carly Fiorina in particular) spent the entire damn thing railing against Planned Parenthood for selling baby parts in the flea market and out of the back of a van and also on Etsy, because the entire GOP had a rage hard-on after they saw highly edited and COMPLETELY FAKE LYING videos from fake "journalists" that lobbed that salacious claim. A good time was had by all.

It doesn't matter that Planned Parenthood was never doing that, because Marsha Blackburn is bugfuck nuts, and also, again, she is under the impression she single-handedly stopped Planned Parenthood from doing the thing it was not doing, by leading a House select committee to look into the made-up baby parts scandal. And that's all explained in her fun campaign video!

Let's watch it on Twitter:

“I fought Planned Parenthood and we stopped the sale of baby body parts. Thank God.”

Bullshit, asshole.

Anyway, as you can see, contra Blackburn's earnest bellyaching, the video has not actually been banned from Twitter. The company simply rejected all the dollars she wanted to pay for advertising, which is well within Twitter's rights:

“It appears that the line in this video specific to 'stopped the sale of baby body parts' has been deemed an inflammatory statement that is likely to evoke a strong negative reaction,” a Twitter employee wrote to two employees of Targeted Victory, a digital GOP consulting firm working for Blackburn’s campaign. “If this is omitted from the video it will be permitted to serve.”

See? Marsha Blackburn is allowed to lie all she wants (and she is doing that) but she's not allowed to be inflammatory. Got it.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE'S NOT BEING OPPRESSED. Politico reports that Blackburn sent out a fundraising email about how she is a fake victim who is being fake silenced from telling the fake story of her fake investigation into actual fake news about Planned Parenthood:

“This is urgent. I’m being censored for telling the truth,” Blackburn wrote. “Twitter has shut down my announcement video advertising. Silicon Valley elites are trying to impose their values on us. When I talked about our legislative accomplishments to stop the sale of baby body parts, they responded by calling our ad ‘inflammatory’ and ‘negative.’”

Well that is just upsetting.

Twitter will likely continue to ban Marsha Blackburn's bullshit ads, just to dickstomp her Constitutional rights, which is sad because the woman has a hell of a lot to say. For instance, she knows women haaaaate equal pay, and she asks hard-hitting questions like "Did The Boston Bombers Use Obamaphones To Commit Their Bombing?"

Also, according to the fake news Doktor Zoom made up in the Wonket Seekrit Chat Cave (which is EVERY BIT AS VALID as Blackburn's video about stopping the sale of baby parts), the congressMAN (don't call her a congressWOMAN, because she doesn't like it) also prevented Obama from declaring martial law during Operation Jade Helm 15, and stopped gang initiations that killed people for flashing their high beams. And you should see the great job she did at preventing Rainbow Parties.

But America will never find out. :(

Oh, idea! She could put them on Facebook! All you gots to do is throw some rubles at those fuckers and they'll run ANYTHING.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[Politico]

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