BARACK OBAMA IS THE MEANEST DAD IN THE WORLD, YOU GUYS. Why? Uh, because his daughters are never going to be popular, like ever, because what if Chrissy texts one of them like "Hey Malia we're nominating you for the popularity contest but you have to respond to this text within 10 minutes, otherwise we're nominating you for the dork contest and you win LOL emoji emoji emoji," but mean President Dad says no phones at the dinner table, GOD DAD, MY LIFE IS RUINED FOREVER:

Obama .. let fellow parents know that he and Michelle Obama have set a boundary for the use of mobile devices at the dinner table.

"So there’s nothing wrong with every once in a while putting the technology aside and actually having a conversation," he said.

"This is something I talk to Malia and Sasha about. We don’t let those phones at the dinner -- but that’s a whole other story."

Yeah, we BET it's a whole other story, about SADNESS.

And he's not stopping there either! He wants to be Tyrant President Dad to all the U.S. American children:

"I always tell young people when I meet them, sometimes they just have the phone up, I’m standing right in front of them -- and I got to tell them, young man, put down that phone. Shake the hand of your president. Then after you shake my hand and look me in the eye, and told me your name, then you can maybe go back to taking pictures."

Those kids are dumbfucks who don't deserve to meet the president anyway.

Obama made these announcements as he debuted his new "Connect Home" initiative, which seeks to give internet access to low-income communities around America, but NOT AT DINNER:

The White House launched a new Housing and Urban Development program Wednesday to connect low-income households in dozens of communities to the Internet. Called "Connect Home," the initiative will provide low-cost or free Internet to thousands of people in 27 cities around the United States and, crucially, subsidized tablets and digital literacy training.

The White House hopes that Connect Home will help close the "homework gap" between low-income children and the rest of the population. According to a new report released Wednesday by the Council of Economic Advisers, approximately 55 percent of low-income children under 10 in the United States have no Internet access at home.

And, Bamz explained, he understands, even though he is a lame oldster, that in today's society, you have to have the internet to get ahead, and he listed off some other things you can do with the internet, saying that "In this digital age, when you can apply for a job, take a course, pay your bills, order a pizza, even find a date by tapping your phone, the Internet is not a luxury, it’s a necessity." Oh GREAT, President Obama, now all the kids are just going to use their new Obamaphones for ordering pizza with their Tinder dates, THANKS OBAMA.

Anyway, this sounds like a very nice program that will help American kids, so hurray and stuff!

[Huffington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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