Uh Oh, GOP Senators, Donald Trump Jr. GON' GITCHA!
Let's check in with some Republican idiots on the eve of Donald Trump going on trial in the Senate for IMPEACH!
Oh hey Donald Trump Jr., what is that on your face? Oh it is just your face.
What was God doing that day? Did the Almighty look at His holy schedule and see that it said "Make a face for Donald Trump Jr." and He just decided to watch Netflix instead?
Any-hoo, Junior went on the "Sunday Morning Futures" TV talk-time program on the Fox Business, and he had some fightin' words for senators who might violate his criminal father's trust by voting for witnesses in the Senate trial, if they don't want to include completely relevant witnesses like Joe Biden and Hunter Biden, who don't have shit to do with his father's crimes except for how they are victims of them:
"The, let's call it weaker Republicans … make a vote on it, if some of those guys don't want to hear from the witnesses we'd want to hear from but will hear from the others, I want to know about it, because they don't deserve to be in office," Trump Jr. said Sunday on "Sunday Morning Futures."
"Hearing from everyone is totally fair. That's not what we've heard so far while the Democrats have controlled the process," he added.
Tough words from a man with such a peculiar face!
Junior also said Nancy Pelosi and the other bigwig Democrats are "colluding with themselves" (????) by doing the impeachment trial right now, in order to #rig the primary against Bernie Sanders (and New York Times endorsees Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar). GIANT WANKING MOTION, we have heard that conspiracy theory before.
Junior went on to do the thing where he says with a straight face that if he had profited off his dad's presidency like Hunter Biden profited off his dad's vice-presidency ... GIANT WANKING MOTION AGAIN.
Also he "guarantees" his dad couldn't pick Lev Parnas out of a line-up.
As for Republican dickhole senators gearing up for the impeachment trial, well, they have thoughts too.
Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama has thought long and hard about the whole question "Should Donald Trump hit up foreign governments to help him cheat in the 2020 election," and these are his conclusions, which he shared with George Snuffalupagus on "This Week":
Shelby on Trump soliciting foreign interference: "Those are just statements, political" @GStephanopoulos: "So it's… https://t.co/hzPCbItEb6— This Week (@This Week)1579447003.0
I've never seen anything where Trump actually was involved in [soliciting foreign interference].
Well those are just statements political [sic], they make 'em all the time!
No they don't.
So you are cool with that, Richard Shelby?
I didn't say it was OK. I said people do things. Things happen.
It is what it is, we guess!
Well still the president of the United States is human, and he's going to make mistakes of judgment and everything else!
Some humans go on crime sprees and commit the same crime over and over again, who are we to judge Donald Trump for being "some humans"!
And then there is John Cornyn, who is simultaneously one of the most powerful people in the Senate and also one of the stupidest people we've ever laid eyes on.
In this "Face The Nation" interview, Cornyn says Rudy Giuliani, who directed Donald Trump's entire Ukrainian crime operation on the ground (and is still doing so, looks like!), is "not relevant" to the Senate impeachment trial, and that Lev Parnas is just a "grifter." Which is technically true! But, like the grifter president and the grifter presidential son-in-law and the grifter presidential lawyer and the grifter presidential lawyer, he seems to have quite a lot of knowledge of the president's crimes, specifically the one the president has been impeached for! And he has sooooo many receipts.
Fuck off, John Cornhole, if that is even your real name.
That is the end of this post, because we are tired of writing words now.
Senate trial tomorry, y'all! See you then y'all!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.