Uh Oh! Someone Said 'Condom' On TV And Now The One Million Moms Need Their Smelling Salts
I have to admit. I love the One Million Moms. Mostly because they are not One Million Moms at all, or even any kind of organization, but rather simply a website run by the American Family Association, an SPLC-designated anti-LGBT hate group. There is something I find extremely entertaining about people who can't just state their own beliefs, but have to pretend they are supported by ONE MILLION imaginary people standing behind them. I wish I had the balls to do that, although I'd probably end up doing it for things like a third season for Lodge 49 and getting a Del's Lemonade in Chicago.
Anyway, the fun thing about the Bryan Fischer Standing On Tom Wildmon's Shoulders, Wearing A Trenchcoat And Pretending To Be One Million Moms is that they are always super mad about the most hilarious things, and this latest one is no exception. They are currently mad at a Hotels.com ad that has the word "condom" in it. OH THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL!!
Here is the offending commercial, shield your virgin ears:
#AnotherVacation :30 www.youtube.com
The One Million Moms email alert, via Joe My God, (bolding on the funniest parts mine):
Hotels.com is known for its comical Captain Obvious commercials, but its newest ad crosses the line and is completely irresponsible. The offensive commercial begins with two friends who are on a play date with their children at a park. The women are bundled up in winter attire while one mom pushes her daughter on the swing, and the other mother is on her phone looking at social media while her baby is in the stroller beside her.
Their mutual "friend" posts a picture of herself posing at a resort poolside on yet another warm weather vacation. One mother sarcastically responds aloud while typing: "Wow, so happy for you! Smiley face emoji." Then Captain Obvious responds: "Funny how the words you type don't reveal the jealousy you actually feel." She replies to him with the famous tagline, "Thanks, Captain Obvious."
Then her friend chimes in, "How is she there, and we're here?" Captain Obvious glances at the baby in the stroller and the child on the swing, then very matter-of-factly says, "Condoms." Disappointed and envious, the moms nod their heads in agreement, and one responds, "True." This inappropriate commercial is airing during prime time when children are likely watching television.
When this type of commercial airs too early in the evening, family viewing time is ruined. Can you imagine how this commercial makes children feel? Children are a blessing from the Lord, but according to Hotels.com, they are an inconvenience. However, Hotels.com is not worried about the message it is sending, nor does it consider the fact that children often repeat what they hear. There is nothing funny about kids repeating the word "condoms." Hotels.com should be ashamed!
Hotels.com will push away customers if it continues advertising in a repulsive manner that offends parents. Hotels.com needs to know that parents do not approve of its advertising tactic! If you are as passionate as One Million Moms is about removing this offensive commercial, please share this with your family and friends. TAKE ACTION: If you agree this commercial is inappropriate, please sign our petition urging Hotels.com to pull its condom ad immediately.
Oh no! The kids are going to hear the word condom and then the family viewing time will be ruined! Probably because they will run right out the door in order to have safe sex with the first person they see, because that is what happens when you hear the word "condom" in a television commercial. It's a Pavlovian response, they cannot help it. And then they'll go out into the world and repeat the word "condom," which would not be hilarious at all. It could happen! Just like a certain multi-talented three-year-old once delighted her preschool class by singing "Sectional Healing" at the top of her lungs. Yes. "Sectional Healing."
I have questions though!
Why are these very holy moms even letting their kids watch prime time television in the first place? I feel pretty confident that they are allowed to say "condom" on prime time television as well. Shouldn't they be watching something more wholesome? Or sleeping?
How is it that anyone is mad at this commercial when there are smug Charmin bears going around rapping about how clean their butts are? I certainly find that offensive, at least when it constantly airs at every single commercial break of a show I am binge watching, and then I have to spend a week with "Yeah, my heinie's clean, OOH, it's Charmin' clean!" stuck in my head. What if kids start going around rapping about their clean butts! What then?
In case you were wondering if this anti-vulgarity stance applies elsewhere — like, say, to the President — allow me to assure you it does not. The American Family Association LOVES Donald Trump and he is therefore allowed to say all the crude and vulgar things he wants. Even if he watches a hotel commercial and then starts running around screaming "CONDOM!!!!" at the top of his lungs.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse