It shouldn't come as a surprise that Donald Trump wants to spend as little time as possible in Washington DC. It's an old town, nothing is made of gold, and all the buildings are really short and full of filthy commoners. Donald Trump has penthouses full of fabulously wealthy people where he can walk around without a bathrobe, scream at cable news, and eat taco bowls. He doesn't need to be tethered to some ancient desk in an ugly marble shithole full of uncomfortable furniture and stairs, surrounded by jerks who ask unfair questions about the economy, electoral votes, and whether or not his friend committed treason. It's no wonder he needs so many vacations!

Since the election, Trump has made a point of spending as little time in DC as possible, causing Washington's army of bureaucrats and number crunchers to log long hours as they try to keep tabs on who bought what, when, and why. Unbeknownst to most people (but knownst to us) Washington is actually propped up and run by civil servants with paper pushing office jobs, and the First Family is not making the lives of boring logistics geeks easy with all their jet-setting.

The Trumps

seem blissfully unaware that everything they do is monitored by multiple government agencies whose sole purpose is to track and secure the president and the First Family. That means Melon Trump has her own detail of federal agents, as do each of those three spoiled brats (and Barron). (We have no idea about Tiffany.) Whenever they go somewhere for a burger, or a salad, or to fuck a Russian pee hooker, we're paying through the nose for them not to become martyrs for high society snobs and the tragically stupid.

Each time Trump leaves Washington, he is setting fire to large piles of tax payer money. A trip Mar-a-Lago to "accidentally" spill state secrets on Insta-Face-Gram costs the local police at least $60,000 per day, and that doesn't include the cost of non-stop Coast Guard patrols or Secret Service detail. New York is already asking for millions in reimbursement costs, seeing as it spends $500,000 PER DAY making sure A Idiot doesn't try to throw a flaming bag of poo at Trump Tower. The Secret Service have to split themselves between the entire family and its property, not just Donald Trump himself, and it's pushing the limits of an agency that's already besieged with leadership failures and low morale.

Agents are now tasked with guarding multiple homes and protecting Trump’s four adult children, including the globe-trotting sons running the family business and daughter Ivanka, whose family recently moved into a Northwest Washington neighborhood.

“There was an anticipation of how stressful it was going to be on the agency, but the harsh reality is that the stress is just overwhelming,” said Jonathan Wackrow, a 14-year Secret Service employee [....]

Even veteran agents, Wackrow said, are feeling the pressure of the “monumental” task, including manning high-security perimeters in Washington, Florida and New York, along with protecting family members’ private-business travel across three continents.

This doesn't account for all the little things that happen to cities and towns when the president flies in. Sure, there's the cost of securing a localized area, but it's not like a couple of guys with guns follow the president into a cramped room and stare at the door with itchy trigger fingers. There's people who have to scout locations and assess potential threats, sweep rooms for listening devices, bombs, and left-over condoms. The staff of businesses must to be vetted, given a security clearance, and a perimeter needs to be established before the president can even get close. Then there's the presidential staff, the White House press pool, all of whom need their own accommodations. The people who live in those cities and towns have to deal with re-routed traffic patterns, security checkpoints, a media circus and the high-speed unstoppable death train that is the presidential motorcade. All of that costs taxpayers money, and it's not cheap.

And, as with most things in Trumpland, it gets astronomically worse because these are all Trump properties. Since Trump hasn't divested himself from his businesses, each time he leaves the White House to stay at his own property he's potentially creating another conflict of interest, and a massive security risk, as all the rich, shameless jack-offs who love to brag on Twitter for magic Internet points scramble for selfies with of a president who pretends to know what he's doing.

Now, compare that to high-volume tantrums thrown by conservatives whenever the Obamas took a vacation, or the ump-teen million trips to Crawford taken by George W. Bush just so he could dick around in the woods, and you can see why people get a bit upset with a man who said, "I would rarely leave the White House because there's so much work to be done."

[ WaPo]

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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