United States Of Texas Not About To Let Supreme Court Gay It All Up
Everyone knows we're getting gay married in June. ALL OF US. The Supreme Court heard the last desperate gasp of bigots sputtering "tradition" and "the children" and "boo hoo" in April, and assuming Justice Antonin Scalia fails to persuade his colleagues that if Plato didn't need a marriage certificate to do all the buttsex he wanted, then neither should anyone in contemporary America, a majority of the Court is going to tell us that the law o' the land (aka The Constitution) says We Are All Gay Now.
So of course Texas is preparing to defend itself against the mandatory cock-sucking that will soon be imposed upon the state, in violation of its "sovereignty." House Bill 4105, sponsored by Republican state Rep. Cecil Bell, who introduced another version of the same damned bill earlier this year, and cosponsored by all but nine of the other Texas House Republicans, would prohibit the use of state or local funds "for an activity that includes the licensing or support of a same-sex marriage." It also declares that "a state or local governmental employee may not recognize, grant, or enforce a same-sex marriage license."
In other words, NO GAY MARRIAGE IN TEXAS, HARRUMPH! But what if the Supreme Court says, "Yes, gay marriage in Texas"? Meh, fuck those guys:
“We as Texans have a sovereign right to define and regulate marriage,” Republican state Rep. Cecil Bell, the author of the bill, told TPM on Tuesday. “I don’t believe that this bill puts anyone in a lesser position than what they were in before. What this does is codify Texas law.”
Now, lest you think that Texas Republicans are idiots, which is a fair assumption and they are, rest assured, they know what they're doing. They have a plan. Or at least they think they do:
Rebecca Robertson, legal and policy director at the ACLU of Texas, said HB 4105 is designed to give Texas another legal basis for challenging same-sex marriage in court: state sovereignty. And she said it could be used as a model by other states for resisting the Supreme Court ruling.
“The last time that we saw similar efforts to undermine court rulings about what the Constitution requires was when Southern states attempted to use the power of the purse to avoid having to comply with federal court orders ordering school desegregation,” Robertson said. “Those tactics were rejected, but obviously it took years of litigation to get to that point. HB 4105 is trying to do the same kind of end run around the Constitution.”
See, if the Supreme Court says that a state's sovereignty does not protect its right to discriminate against homosexicans, Texas will have this law all ready to go back to court to say, "Oh, YEAH? Well what about state sovereignty, HUH?" Geniuses.
This bill isn't even the only attempt by Texas bigots to try to keep The Gay out of its sovereign nation. Remember this other Texas idiot, freshperson Rep. Molly White, who hates Muslims, gays, and abortions? She introduced a bill to keep The Gay out of Texas “regardless of whether a federal court ruling or other federal law provides that prohibition against the creation or recognition of a same-sex marriage or a civil union is not permitted under the United States Constitution." Nice try, newbie, but that's not how the law or the Constitution or Texas's extra-special secret sauce sovereignty (it's just mayo and ketchup) works.
The Texas legislature had introduced more than 20 bills this session to prohibit The Gay, which apparently is some sort of national record. Good for you, Texas, we're having the penis cake sent to you RIGHT NOW to celebrate your status as the most hateful legislature in America. Congratulations and molotov.