Up-And-Coming Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin Vs. The Birther Princess & The Physically Fit Poors
On the one hand, Oklahoma congresscritter Markwayne "Not a typo" Mullin doesn't have a lot of patience for this self-described "Birther Princess" who keeps trying to hand him Joe Arpaio's absolutely conclusive Birther Holy Grail. In fact, at one point (1:08), he even says, "Honestly, I don't even give a shit." We'd really like to applaud him for that.
On the other hand, he doesn't think the Birther Princess is wrong, just that continuing to talk about the birth certificate is bad tactics:
"...we lost that argument November 6. We had 4 years to get that proven and we didn't, we reelected him, so that's a dead issue."
Mullin even takes the opportunity to announce that he's a birther too -- "I believe what you're saying," he adds (2:55). But by then, it's too late for solidarity, and the poor spurned dissident stomps out of the meeting, muttering, "But he's not a real President!" A sympathetic member of the audience posted the video to YouTube, complete with a Fox-News-inspired identification of Mullin's party as "D" (there are no "D's" in the Oklahoma delegation).
So, OK, half a cheer for putting her off, immediately withdrawn for saying, "Yeah, we have an actual non-citizen foreigner in the White House in defiance of the Constitution, but whatcha gonna do?" Instead, Mullin wins himself a nomination for Wonkette's coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award. And ten points taken away from Slytherin, too.
On the other other hand, Markwayne Mullin also thinks that most assistance to the poor should be eliminated outright, because there's a lot of fraud, like the time he personally witnessed some "physically fit" people buying food with an EBT card. We won't be surprised if he also thinks disabled parking spaces should be done away with because this one time he saw a Mercedes parked in one. So here's the food stamp fraud he witnessed:
So I’m in Crystal City and I’m buying my groceries…and I noticed everybody was giving that card. They had these huge baskets, and I realized it was the first of the month. But then I’m looking over, and there’s a couple beside me. This guy was built like a brick house. I mean he had muscles all over him. He was in a little tank top and pair of shorts and really nice Nike shoes. And she was standing there, and she was all in shape and she looked like she had just come from a fitness program. She was in the spandex, and you know, they were both physically fit. And they go up in front of me and they pay with that card. Fraud. Absolute 100% all it is is fraud…it’s all over the place. And there you go, to the fact that we shouldn’t be supporting those who won’t work. They’re spending their money someplace.
Everybody knows that physically fit people can't be poor! Or underemployed, because nobody ever gets laid off if they own a pair of Nikes and have a six-pack. You can tell just by looking at them as they buy their king crab legs. Finally, what the hell is with all these conservatives staring at other people paying for groceries? We thought that kind of surveillance was the NSA's job.
We're looking forward to Mullin's new means testing program, tentatively known as "Bro, do you even lift?"
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.