Urine, Feces Now Literally Falling On Us From Sky
Homes in Snyder, New York are nowcovered in a "goo" of feces and urine, just like in that Oscar-winning 1997 Robin Williams film noir, Flubber, except it is being eaten off the ground and sides of houses by dogs and small children. "Most of the houses along Washington Highway and Berryman Drive have taken down their Christmas lights, but are now sporting green or yellow icicles." Delicious! ABC News says people initially wanted to blame this on the FAA for letting passing airplanes drop human waste, but the FAA denies this, so ABC News went to the next logical source: a random person on the street. "She said it's actually because the seagulls eat fast food at McDonald's, which upsets their digestive tract." Their digestive tracts were Lovin' It! a bit too much, she means.
But obviously the seagulls were choosing the preservative salad (hold the dressing), the chemically separated apple slices (hold the artificially caramel-colored caramel goop), and the jug of milk flavored with plastic, right? That is the healthy option, and all of us choose it when we go to McDonald's.
Bird experts who have seen pictures of the goo agree that they resemble bird droppings.
But after seeing additional video showing green and yellow gunk on homes, Chu was baffled.
"More recent footage shows larger areas of greenish yellow wash, and we do not know what that is," she said.
Chu wasn't so sure about the French fry-eating seagull theory.
In conclusion, some of the poop and pee is from airplanes, but not enough to meet industry regulations. So the FAA had to contract out some birds to eat McDonald's and shit on people's houses. But be careful, birds! When the government decides it doesn't need you anymore, it kills you all off. [ABC News]