Use These 5 Black Hippity-Hop Songs To Oppress Sean Hannity's Lily-White Ass

What is WRONG with Sean Hannity? No, we mean besides the obvious things like his incompletely formed sense of his own masculinity. Hannity had a MELTDOWN over the Confederate Flag on his radio show Wednesday. You see, if retailers are going to get rid of the Confederate flag, he is FINE WITH THAT, but fair's fair, and they should also ban all that blackity-black music the kids like to twerk to. Right? Because if the Confederate flag is hurtful to black people because of its racist, murderous implications -- thanks solely to confessed white supremacist murderer Dylann Roof and for no other reasons at all -- then surely rappers who use the N-word in their music are hurting black people just as much as some dumb flag is, right?

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Let's go through Hannity's quote, step by dumbass step, and also listen to some hippy-hop rap songs together! You'll want to make a playlist of these, so you can use them to oppress Sean Hannity, in case you run into him at a cocktail party or in the sex dungeon at Fox News, masturbating to the sound of his own voice:

Some of these same retailers, for example Sears, Walmart, Amazon, Ebay, and the rest of the retailers in the last 24 hours, have announced that they intend to discontinue sales of the Confederate flag. I have a question. Can you still buy a Jay-Z CD at Walmart? Does the music Department at Sears have any Ludacris albums? Can I download 50 Cent on Amazon? ... Can I get some Snoop Dogg albums on eBay? ... Because a lot of music by those artists are chock-full of the N-word ... and the B-word and the H-word, and racist, misogynist, sexist anti-woman slurs.

Here is your link for Jay-Z at Walmart, where you can hear Jay rap all about his 99 problems, and how not one of them is a B-word:

You can't buy Ludacris CDs at Sears, because Sears doesn't sell hardly any CDs, which Sean Hannity would know if he was the actual Man Of The People he acts like, as opposed to the overfed East Coast Douchebag he is in reality. But you can get Luda at Amazon, right there along with that 50 Cent he was asking about!

Here is Ludacris saying SO MUCH B-WORD:

And here is Fitty! We don't know why Hannity would have a problem with this song, because it is very wholesome. It is about how it is Shawty's birthday and they are in da club and 50 Cent is giving Shawty some hugs. Nothing untoward there! He does say the "fuck" word, though, sadface.

And YUP, here is your Snoopity Snoop Dogg (please listen to the clip to hear the way Hannity pronounces "Snoop Dogg") on eBay! Here is Snoop's nice song about Gin and Juice, which obviously is oppressive to whites because the guest rapper's name is "Dat Nigga Daz." How come that rapper gets to name himself that and Hannity doesn't??? NO FAIR. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind ...

Now this is all a problem because President Obama really likes Jay-Z, and he lets his daughters listen to Jay's whore wife Beyoncé. Hannity asks, "Doesn't she use the B-word in reference to women? She has a whole song about that, doesn't she?" YES SHE DOES. It is called "Flawless," it is a feminist anthem featuring the Nigerian feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and it prominently features Bey telling people to "BOW DOWN, BITCHES." Hannity ought to bow down, because he's a little bitch, and because she is the boss of him, whether he likes it or not:

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Finally, to answer the question we posted at the beginning -- what is WRONG with Sean Hannity? -- we must note that it's not just the gangsta rap and the slut Beyoncé music that bothers Hannity. It seems to be black people, in general, making music:

"Prince performed [at the White House] I guess last weekend or the weekend before. I don't know if he uses any of that language in his music, I have no idea. I'm not a big Prince fan. I don't get it, frankly. Listening to his music I'm like, that's it? I don't get it."

What the FUCK kinda person doesn't get "Purple Rain"? Seriously? What happened to Sean Hannity in childhood that he doesn't GET IT? But yes, for Hannity's information, Prince does lots of dirty sex music too. We would post some of it, but, though he is WONDERFUL, Prince is also a total dick about letting his music be posted online, so screw it.

In conclusion, Sean Hannity is totally right, all of the above music is just as oppressive as the Confederate flag, Both Sides Do It, and WHAT ABOUT BLACK-ON-BLACK CRIME?

[Media Matters / featured pic via Beyoncé's Instagram]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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