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USS Enterprise Commander Stars In Series of Gay-Joke Wank Videos

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As Wonkbot (thedean of the military masturbation-joke press corps) first reported, the Navy has opened an investigation into a series of instructional videos made by the former Executive Officer of the USS Enterprise, Captain Owen Honors, after The Virginian-Pilot got its hands on this guy's clip show of favorite moments. And wow, this guy really is the world's greatest sketch comedian! Why did he ever decide to be in the military? He could have created the world's best selling line of "these two Navy ladies are pretending to take a shower together but aren't really!" DVDs. Sailors on this important Iraq-shooting boat were audience to the best in comedy, from mock masturbation to mock sodomy to mock dick shots to mock donkey sex to mock semen (seamen semen!). Comedy gold after the jump!


We're not sure you want to sit through this entire thing to see this man's acting skillz, but here it is anyway. This clip show is apparently hosted by three Owen Honors. One is Owen, one is a cool Owen, and one is another Owen who is lame and TOTALLY GAY! Lolz! There was, apparently, some instructing going on besides forcing inferior officers rub each other shirtless in the shower.

On one film, Honors admits there have been complaints about the films and says: "This evening, all of you bleeding hearts … why don’t just go ahead and hug yourself for the next 20 minutes or so, because there’s a really good chance you’re gonna be offended."

Whoa! He totally quieted those hecklers. Burn!

This ship was powered by NUCLEAR ENERGY, by the way, the whole time. But there is plenty of time to make sure the ship doesn't explode in a giant mushroom cloud when the guy in charge isn't making overly detailed masturbation jokes, right? [Hampton Roads/CNN]

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