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President Twittershits is ON FIRE this morning! During Executive Bathrobe Time, which lasts today until 1:30 p.m., he took an important meeting with security expert Judge Andrew Napolitano.


"GRRRR, UNMASKING BAD," he shouted, through a mouthful of hamburger. "The Deep State Obama FBI tapped my wires! Mike Flynn is a great American! How dare they listen in on his phone calls with Russian spies? UNFAIR!"

Then he cracked open another Diet Coke and went back to reading documents.

Meanwhile, all hell was breaking loose in Congress. Paul Ryan had been negotiating for days to get a clean renewal of Section 702 of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, the provision that allows the bulk collection without a warrant of America's communications with Not America. The "controversial FISA ACT" is not up for a vote today, and 702 has nothing to do with Trump's buddies Manafort, Gates, Flynn and Papadopoulos getting arrested. But Fox News and the Nunes Treason Squad have spent months shouting about UNMASKING and WIRE TAPPS, so you can understand how the leader of the free world could get confused.

Reasonable minds can differ on the wisdom of 702, but Trump's own DOJ and FBI have been lobbying heavily to get it reauthorized. Nunes's fuckery almost killed the bill last month, and it's been on a three-week extension which expires January 19. Paul Ryan had finally corralled Nunes, but then Freedom Caucus loon (and occasional principled guy) Justin Amash partnered up with Democrat Zoe Lofgren to push the "USA Rights Amendment," which would impose additional warrant requirements for data collected on US citizens.

Senators Rand Paul (R) and Ron Wyden (D) are sponsoring Amash's amendment in the Senate, but just last night, the White House released a statement opposing it.

The Administration strongly opposes the “USA Rights” amendment to the FISA Amendments Reauthorization Act, which the House will consider tomorrow. This amendment would re-establish the walls between intelligence and law enforcement that our country knocked down following the attacks of 9/11 in order to increase information sharing and improve our national security. The Administration urges the House to reject this amendment and preserve the useful role FISA’s Section 702 authority plays in protecting American lives.

But they forgot about Executive Bathrobe Time! Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff both called for the vote to be pulled -- not gonna let an opportunity to pants that little shit Ryan slip by! And the Tea Party loons banged their pots.

But it wasn't meant to be. SAD. (Also, we note they left out all the Democratic sponsors of the amendment. Must have been an oversight.)

After some lucky staffer was dispatched to wrestle the remote away from the old man, and splain to him real slow why he was going to need to walk it back, Trump sent out another tweet.

Well, these are all words. They're bullshit words, unrelated to any vote taking place today. But they seem to have done the job, since the clean reauthorization (without the Amash amendment) passed 233-183. Or maybe they had nothing to do with anything, and the people actually running the government, the suckers who have to put pants on before noon, are just ignoring the old man.

Guess it's time to schedule another golf date with old Rand. Let him ride down to Mar-a-Lago on Airforce One. That'll probably do the trick.

After John Boehner quit laughing, he lit another cigarette and headed out to the links.

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[Daily Beast / WaPo / WhiteHouse.gov / NYTimes]

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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