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Virginia Cops Want To Photograph Teen's Hard Penis Because Child Pornography Is Wrong

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So there is a 17-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia. He has (had?) a 15-year-old girlfriend. She sent him pictures of her plump blossoming bosoms or whatever, so he sent her video (probably a Vine?) of his junk. Now the police want to take him to a hospital, shoot his dick full of Love Potion No. Nine, and take hot hot child prOn pictures of his hard boy-penis, so they can compare it to the penis in the video, and thenprosecute him for child pornography.


Everything about this story makes total sense.

What is the first thing that makes sense about this story, Washington Post?

The teen is facing two felony charges, for possession of child pornography and manufacturing child pornography, which could lead not only to incarceration until he’s 21, but inclusion on the state sex offender data base for, possibly, the rest of his life.

Oh, he was "manufacturing" child prOn by taking pictures of his own and not anybody else's penis, and so could go to jail for four years and be considered a sex offender forever? SEE, TOTAL SENSE.

What next?

[The boy's lawyer, Jessica Harbeson] Foster said the case began when the teen’s 15-year-old girlfriend sent photos of herself to the 17-year-old, who in turn sent her the video in question. The girl has not been charged, and her mother filed a complaint about the boy’s video, Foster said.

So she is 15, not five, and he is 17, not 37, and she sent him her dirty pillows (or her muff! we don't know!) and he responded in kind with his man-muff, and now he will go to prison forever. TOTAL SENSE.

Anything else? Sure WHY NOT.

The case was set for trial on July 1, where Foster said Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney Claiborne Richardson told her that her client must either plead guilty or police would obtain another search warrant “for pictures of his erect penis,” for comparison to the evidence from the teen’s cell phone. Foster asked how that would be accomplished and was told that “we just take him down to the hospital, give him a shot and then take the pictures that we need.”

Got it, Manassas PD and prosecutors. You just need to make some child prOn to show that boys making their own child prOn OF THEMSELVES AND NOT ANYBODY ELSE AND FOR TO SEND TO THEIR GIRLFRIENDS NOT TO SELL TO JOE FRANCIS OR WHATEVER is wrong.

Everything about this case screams "TOTALLY APPROPRIATE ADULTS ACTING SENSIBLY AND IN AN APPROPRIATE WAY."

[WaPo]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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