Warmest Regards, Andrew Giuliani, And Continued Success In All Your Endeavors

Bless his heart:

Yes, Andrew Giuliani, the 35-year-old son of the disgraced former mayor of New York, who by his own calculations has been in politics for FIVE DECADES, has received zero percent support in an informal straw poll of New York Republican leaders for the upcoming gubernatorial race. And he's been working so hard!

What a week our hero has had. His dad is under criminal investigation by the same Southern District of New York his dad used to run. His dad is currently not allowed to practice law in New York. And little Winner Winner Chicken Dinner here can't manage to convince one New York Republican leader that he's the guy to lead them to flawless victory, looks like. You hate to see it.

It's funny because it was a secret ballot, so even if somebody was embarrassed to say young Andrew's name in public, but they actually did like him, they could have said so without getting made fun of. It's also funny because "zero percent." Did we mention "zero percent?" We should mention that.

As Business Insider reminds us, this is what the Giuliani-In-Training said when he announced his run:

"I'm a politician out of the womb," he said. "It's in my DNA."

Sure thing, kid.

But alas:

Giuliani, who served in the White House under ex-President Donald Trump, received no votes from GOP county chairs or members of the Republican state committee at a straw poll in Albany on Monday.

That asshole GOP congressman Lee Zeldin took 85 percent of the weighted vote, by the way. Then there was "abstain," at 10 percent. Then there was some dick named Rob Astorino with five percent of the vote. Add those up and you get "no percents left for the thing that happened when Rudy Giuliani participated in human reproduction."

Young Andrew reacted to his loser showing:

"I think this is too early," said Giuliani, the son of the former New York City mayor and Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani. "I think if you just look at the numbers, I think you'll see that we perform better in blue states whenever there's a primary."

What? OK, whatever.

He's also bragging about a poll commissioned by his own campaign what says he's WINNING SO MUCH HE'S GONNA GET SICK OF WINNING. He really, really thinks he's going to get a bunch of "crossover" voters, i.e. New York Democrats who just love him so much.

You see all those exclamation points? That means he's winning. No participation trophies for young Andrew, only first prize!

So this is all very fun and we can hardly wait for young Andrew to declare a whole bunch more victory.

If our brief research is any indication, there are a LOT of landscape company parking lots in the state of New York where he could hold his victory rally.

[Business Insider]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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