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Watch Ann Dunham Give Birth To Two-Year-Old Toddler Barack Obama In Kenya (Video)

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Sorry, Barack Nobummer, but the SECRET is OUT.Vice has been approached by some super-not-shady Romanian who totally exists and who transferred to video this Super 8 film (which was invented in 1965) shot by Barack Obama's fake father, Barack Obama Sr., of you as a giant two-year-old baby being born in Kenya. (In 1961, people were always totally filming vaginal births, on their uninvented Super 8.) But there are some who might unaccountably STILL try to "debunk" this obvious proof with stupid questions, like why do you weigh 23 pounds and came out of your mom's vagina with your eyes open, holding your head up and looking around, reading at a second-grade level and riding a bike? The Romanian explains it is because Kenyan babies are just gigantic, everyone knows that, but is it because you are actually Damian and Rosemary's Baby and stuff? (PROBABLY.) And why is your mom, Ann Dunham, listed as "Ann Dunham" in her hospital chart (with helpful yearbook photo!) instead of Ann Obama? Was 1961 Kenya super-feminist and we did not know about it? That would be cool. Totally real Kenyan birth video, after the jump!


Sorry dude, but now you are inpeached.

[VICE]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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