Watch White House Spokesman Josh Earnest Call Trump A Coke Fiend, Because He Has Eyes
Doesn't have the stamina to be president.
In what surely has to be the most incendiary remark of the 2016 presidential campaign, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest responded to a reporter's question about Donald Trump's call for both candidates to take a drug test before Wednesday's debate by joking about it in a very ungentlemanly way.
So you're telling me that the candidate that snorted his way through the first two debate is accusing the other candidate of taking drugs? That's a curious development in the campaign.
Another reporter followed up, demanding that Earnest clarify his remarks: "Are you saying that the sniffling or snorting, as you described it, might be related..." But Earnest refused to take the trolling any further, darn him, explaining, "Not at all. Just trying to have a little fun."
Oh, the horror! What else do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Earnest?
Told that there were gasps after his initial response, Earnest said he “was expecting for chuckles.”
“It’s probably my flawed delivery,” he conceded. “I laughed,” Mark Knoller of CBS News noted, to which Earnest replied, “Thank you, Mark.”
There's always a suck-up. In addition to Donald Trump's incredibly sniffly schnozz, we mean. Obviously, the man suffers from a fatal case of nasal Parkinsons, a serious drug problem, or -- our best informed Science Theory -- a near total vacuum inside Trump's skull, which must be immediately filled with more air after he expels verbal idiocy.
While Trump insists he abstains not only from drugs, but also from alcohol, expert opinion on the Internet is running against him. Take, for instance, this tweet from addiction expert Carrie Fisher, who personally snorted enough cocaine during the making of the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special to make the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs without a hyperdrive:
Fisher later retracted the joke, because yes, addiction is SRS BSNS, as she nose all too well, and never to be joked about. Or at least not to be joked about without a later retraction. Fisher clarified to Vulture that she doesn't really think Trump was snorting anything but failure and lies:
“I don’t know because every day something weirder comes out about him and more awful. But his brother died," she said [...] “His brother was an alcoholic and died of it. I think it scared him," she said. “He says he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t do drugs, so he generally tells the worst truth to shock you. I know something about this, so if he did coke, he would want you to know.”
So what's the sniffing all about? “Nerves," Fisher said as she took a big sniff and smiled.
Reaction in the Wingnuttosphere to Earnest's comments was surprisingly muted; the Daily Caller noted that Earnest's little joke got "Exactly ZERO Laughs," which had to make Mark Knoller sad. Not even the nine paid staffers of Twitchy could work up much outrage over the remarks, sniffling that the Obama administration is no good at "staying above the fray."
In conclusion, drugs are bad. Just say no. Stay in school, kids!
You know, that does have a certain rhythm to it...
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.