Some people's fucking children should never be let out of the bleeding basement, I'll tell you what. I'm not sure how goddamned many ratchets short of a set you have to be to put a motherfuckingWEDDING PLANNER in charge of New York's federal housing programs but it is at least ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THE FUCKING RATCHETS. IN FACT YOU HAVE NO TOOLS AT ALL, YOUR SCREWDRIVERS HAVE BEEN REPOSSESSED.
Ben "plodding windbag who can't logic his way through a full sentence because his entire intellect is engaged in making up some pissant bullshit out of whole cloth to justify why nobody else should get the help he did the selfish myopic fuck" Carson was one thing. His experience of public housing might be decades outdated, but at least he's BEEN in a HUD unit before. It's not anything like a "qualification" and is in fact a giant middle finger to basically everyone in the country who's not already a multimillionaire, but the dude was at least a failed presidential candidate in a field of idiots and numbskulls so there's that. If you close your eyes, tilt your head, squint, then knock yourself in the head with a 2x4 repeatedly while taking just massive amounts of acid, you can see why they'd pick him.
But THIS bullshit right here is next fucking level. Her name is Lynne Patton and you can go right over to her LinkedIn to look at her qualifications which I DO NOT RECOMMEND unless you woke up in a rage that wasn't quite incandescent enough and you need a power boost. The woman formerly known as "Head of Concierge Services, Yorktown property" is in a bit of a kerfuffle because some people are accusing her of lying the tiniest bit on LinkedIn about this law degree thingy. It says n/a on it but I will let you judge whether this looks at all a bit padded, because I don't LinkedIn either so I've no idea whether one typically lists a degree one did not manage more than two semesters of:
Anyway, the wedding planner lady also claimed to have attended Yale, which seems like a blitheringly stupid thing to lie about on your resume because I never went to college so I don't really know the norms of people with alma maters and even I know not to put the logo of a university I didn't attend on my resume. (The best line of the whole Daily News piece is "she also listed Yale University but HUD officials couldn't explain why that was there.")
Oh, and Patton is also involved in one of the many Trump money scandals because she worked at the foundation while there was blah blah blah who can fucking track all this nonsense, none of it matters, the point here is that we live in a country where the head of HUD lectures poor people on how they don't need fucking HOUSES, they need to be fashioning bootstraps out of the painstakingly gathered loose cat hair they gather from the outerwear of strangers or whatever it is poor people make bootstraps out of.
And in case you didn't get the message, low-income Americans, the message is FUCK YOU. You worked hard, you got you some permanent scarring from your dead-end low-wage job you spend all your time at, missing your kids while some prick two steps above you on the income scale demands that his dollar hamburger be remade three times until he gets the optimal amount of mustard? FUCK YOU EVEN HARDER.
See what these people mean when they lecture us about ethics is HA HA YOU STUPID FUCKS ACTUALLY THINK HARD WORK GETS YOU ANYWHERE. But here's the kicker: It's all goddamned projection. When they make us pee in cups it's because they have coke habits. When they accuse us of scamming the system it's because they're past masters at it. When they say we're cheating it's because they make their qualifications up. And when they tell us we're dumb it is because they literally can't imagine that smart people exist. These people think they are the elites and a whole roomful of them have approximately a quarter of the brainpower that a single line cook has.
Lynne Patton, whose apparent qualifications include "assisting with upscale events and golf tournaments" and "acquisition of celebrity entertainment and high-end donations" is going to be in charge of a multi-billion dollar agency whose stated mission is to keep people from dying in the streets.
That's how much these petty, tiny, incapable, monstrous people care about us dying in the streets. I don't know what we do about these motherfuckers running things, but I know one thing: If I have to die alone in the cold, I'm goddamned well going to do it on someone's fucking Rolls. And I hope it's from something catching.
[NYDN]
We'd ask you to pitch in to keep our writers from dying in the streets but none of this is funny so just support us here:
