We Met A Total Brian In Chicago!

Wesley, probablyYou guysremember Brian? He showed up at our party in Denver and was all, "you guys should read this Bill O'Reilly book," and "let me tell you, doctoral candidate in theology, about Paul," and some other shit. Classic Brian!

Well, we met a new Brian in Chicago last night, and his name was Wesley, and oh man what a Brian! (No, Chicago wonkers, you did not miss the memo: WE DID NOT THROW YOU A PARTY, unless you are Wonkette writers Robyn and Dom the Intern or your compatriot House of the Blue Lights, with whom we are crashing while DC-bound.)

While waiting for our Robyn and Dom and HOTBL to arrive at Chicago's delightful and zesty Topo Gigio, we encountered Wesley on the street. A man of unknowable age (50s? 60s?) and dyed blond hair, Wesley was outgoing and gregarious and only mildly slurring with drink. We appreciate this in a new pal!

Here was our conversation. It was a delightful conversation!

New pal Wesley: Blah blah blah friendly outgoing thing on the street.

Yr Wonkette: Oh, we are just passing through Chicago on our way to DC!

Wesley [excited]: For the inauguration?

Wonk: Yes! For the women's march and protests!

Wesley to my husband: You MARRIED her?


Wesley: I'm a Trump guy. You probably think I'm evil.

Wonk: No, not necessarily! I mean, you might be!

Wesley: My name is Wesley [middle name, last name] The Third. I'm an economist. Trump is gonna turn the economy around.

Wonk: From 4.5 percent unemployment?

Wesley: The real unemployment number is 10, 10.5 percent.

Wonk: That may well be, but then you have to use the same "real unemployment" number for Bush and go apples to apples. So you're looking at probably 25 percent "real unemployment" under Bush to 10 percent under Obama.

Wesley: One hundred million people not working ...

Wonk: Because Baby Boomers are retiring every day.

Wesley: Okay, I'll give you them. Probably two percent. [draws Arab-American-looking smoking guy into conversation.] How's your income under Obama? Up? Down?

Arab-American-looking smoking guy: I'm a doctor. So pretty good?

Wesley: Trump's gonna turn it around.

Wonk: I own a small business, and I am scared to death about the economy. Because I've been paying attention for the past 25 years about what happens under Republican presidents.

Wesley: What kind of business? I am an economist.

Wonk: We own a political website.

Wesley: You are going to have no business in two weeks. You are going to go bankrupt.

Wonk: Why, is Trump going to shut down the opposition?

Wesley: I don't know, I only gave him eight thousand dollars.

Wonk: You know the federal limit for individual contributions is $2700, right? So I hope you gave the rest to the RNC or a superpac or something.

Wesley: Oh yeah definitely. I used to be a Democrat, but then I got educated.

Wonk [smiling and nice!]: Oh, I have a master's! You know, I haven't once gone ad hominem or called you dumb, but you went straight to it.

Wesley: Race has gotten worse under Obama.

Wonk: It's true, white people went apeshit with a black president. As to the cops and stuff, my mom used to teach in South Central LA. Black people have always had their asses kicked by cops, but now everyone's got phones, so they film it and we see it all the time. It's not worse than it was before, we just see it.


Wonk: Well, we're taking our writers to dinner now. It was nice talking to you!

Wesley: Trump's gonna turn it around.

Classic Wesley!

You may all now consider this a midday open thread about all the Brians and Wesleys in your life.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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