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Wesley, probablyYou guysremember Brian? He showed up at our party in Denver and was all, "you guys should read this Bill O'Reilly book," and "let me tell you, doctoral candidate in theology, about Paul," and some other shit. Classic Brian!


Well, we met a new Brian in Chicago last night, and his name was Wesley, and oh man what a Brian! (No, Chicago wonkers, you did not miss the memo: WE DID NOT THROW YOU A PARTY, unless you are Wonkette writers Robyn and Dom the Intern or your compatriot House of the Blue Lights, with whom we are crashing while DC-bound.)

While waiting for our Robyn and Dom and HOTBL to arrive at Chicago's delightful and zesty Topo Gigio, we encountered Wesley on the street. A man of unknowable age (50s? 60s?) and dyed blond hair, Wesley was outgoing and gregarious and only mildly slurring with drink. We appreciate this in a new pal!

Here was our conversation. It was a delightful conversation!

New pal Wesley: Blah blah blah friendly outgoing thing on the street.

Yr Wonkette: Oh, we are just passing through Chicago on our way to DC!

Wesley [excited]: For the inauguration?

Wonk: Yes! For the women's march and protests!

Wesley to my husband: You MARRIED her?

Wonk: DID HE EVER.

Wesley: I'm a Trump guy. You probably think I'm evil.

Wonk: No, not necessarily! I mean, you might be!

Wesley: My name is Wesley [middle name, last name] The Third. I'm an economist. Trump is gonna turn the economy around.

Wonk: From 4.5 percent unemployment?

Wesley: The real unemployment number is 10, 10.5 percent.

Wonk: That may well be, but then you have to use the same "real unemployment" number for Bush and go apples to apples. So you're looking at probably 25 percent "real unemployment" under Bush to 10 percent under Obama.

Wesley: One hundred million people not working ...

Wonk: Because Baby Boomers are retiring every day.

Wesley: Okay, I'll give you them. Probably two percent. [draws Arab-American-looking smoking guy into conversation.] How's your income under Obama? Up? Down?

Arab-American-looking smoking guy: I'm a doctor. So pretty good?

Wesley: Trump's gonna turn it around.

Wonk: I own a small business, and I am scared to death about the economy. Because I've been paying attention for the past 25 years about what happens under Republican presidents.

Wesley: What kind of business? I am an economist.

Wonk: We own a political website.

Wesley: You are going to have no business in two weeks. You are going to go bankrupt.

Wonk: Why, is Trump going to shut down the opposition?

Wesley: I don't know, I only gave him eight thousand dollars.

Wonk: You know the federal limit for individual contributions is $2700, right? So I hope you gave the rest to the RNC or a superpac or something.

Wesley: Oh yeah definitely. I used to be a Democrat, but then I got educated.

Wonk [smiling and nice!]: Oh, I have a master's! You know, I haven't once gone ad hominem or called you dumb, but you went straight to it.

Wesley: Race has gotten worse under Obama.

Wonk: It's true, white people went apeshit with a black president. As to the cops and stuff, my mom used to teach in South Central LA. Black people have always had their asses kicked by cops, but now everyone's got phones, so they film it and we see it all the time. It's not worse than it was before, we just see it.

Wesley: INDECIPHERABLE NOISES.

Wonk: Well, we're taking our writers to dinner now. It was nice talking to you!

Wesley: Trump's gonna turn it around.

Classic Wesley!

You may all now consider this a midday open thread about all the Brians and Wesleys in your life.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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