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Is it December 12 yet? NO??? We are approximately ninety-seven months into the Alabama Senate campaign, and it's all so filthy and vile. But it's time for another lap in the the Roy Moore pigshit lagoon. So hold your noses, Wonkers! WE'RE GOING IN!

Roy Moore's wife, Kayla, spent yesterday falsifying endorsement letters and scouring the internet for someone, ANYONE, to say that the most recent woman to accuse her husband of sexual assault, Beverly Nelson Young, is a liar. Mrs. Moore was never much for science, but she's darn sure that her husband never signed that yearbook!

If the "Y" doesn't match, he never chased that ... errrm, never mind.

Anyway, Mrs. Moore seems to have left out one or two details in her press conference. Turns out, she's got a yearbook just like that at home. Although hers isn't signed by the Etowah County DA. (Or is it????)

Here's Ms. Young.

And here's Mrs. Moore.

Oh hey, Kayla! When you were telling us all that your husband would never creep on young girls, did you forget to mention that you and Ms. Nelson were in the same class at school? Did you not notice a middle-aged lawyer hanging around the bleachers at football games chatting up the other adolescent girls? Care to comment?

You know we met at a Bible study—that’s where we met. We raised our children at in Bible-focused Christian home. You know, it’s just not true -- any of it.

UH HUH.

Quoting Moore's autobiography, AL.com reports that he met Kayla Kisor at church in 1983, when she was a 23-year-old divorced mother. But this wasn't the first time Moore noticed Kisor.

"Many years before, I had attended a dance recital at Gadsden State Junior College," Roy Moore wrote. "I remembered one of the special dances performed by a young woman whose first and last names began with the letter 'K.' It was something I had never forgotten. Could that young woman have been Kayla Kisor? Anxious to meet her, I began with the line, 'Haven't we met somewhere before?'"

So Roy Moore, a grown man in his 30s, attended a junior college dance recital. AS ONE DOES. And he was so smitten with one particular 19- or 20-year-old girl that years later he saw her at church and said, "I've spent the last four years thinking about you doing that special dance. Maybe later you can try on that leotard for me?" (PROBABLY.)

Ewwwwww. We almost feel sorry for Kayla Kisor. Young, and pretty, and divorced in the Bible Belt, she must have been easy pickings for a nasty old lecher looking for a wife.

"Sitting with her mother on the sofa against the wall was a beautiful young woman," Moore wrote. "I learned that her name was Kayla."

But then we remember that she turned into Kayla Moore, a willing sidekick for all her husband's pompous bigotry. That vulnerable young woman became the president of Moore's scam charity, mopping up hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in cash and benefits for her family. And then we snap right the hell out feeling sorry for her!

The Foundation for Moral Law started off as the Roy Moore Legal Defense Fund, since Moore is a habitual lawbreaker who got removed from the judicial bench twice for trying to implement fundagelical sharia law. But the IRS said that donors couldn't deduct their contributions to pay Moore's lawyers, because that's not how charities work. So the Moores changed the name, put themselves on the payroll, and made "jobs" for any of their kids who happened to be out of work.

It was a holy miracle for the Moores' bank account. Evangelical Christians hoping to insert White Jesus into government and public schools donated to the FML, and the Moores paid themselves upwards of $200,000 a year since 2003. Only, they didn't exactly declare all of it on their taxes. OOOPS! And the FML also got a little creative on their paperwork with the IRS, although they had an excuse! Per AL.com,

“The accountant that normally does our tax returns has been sick and almost died,” said [Kayla Moore’s assistant]. “He has since spoken with the IRS and the missing 2015 return will be filed in the next few days. And we have an extension on the 2016 return.”

Which is exactly how it works with the IRS, and totally normal. We told you all about these shenanigans last month, because we care. It remains to be seen if anyone in Alabama cares, but maybe if they re-read our fine article they'll realize that Roy Moore is a total scammer and vote for living saint Doug Jones. It could happen!

WHOA IF TRUE.

[AL.com / AL.com, / Wonkette]

Please click here to fund our further explorations of the Roy Moore poo lagoon! This shit reeks!

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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