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Weep, Ye Mighty, For Fallen Soldier 'Joe' The 'Plumber'

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There is not a reason in the world to click on the video above of fallen Wonkette hero "Joe" the "Plumber" flapping his gums at his election loss party, except to note his killer rags. Dude, you were running for Congress. You think the flannel might be a touch ... less formal than the occasion demands? Nah, fuck it man. You are "authentic" and "real" just like your fake name and fake occupation! And now you are dead. Let us gather our rosebuds and meet back on the other side of the jump to remember the manifold gifts "Joe" the "Plumber" has given to your Wonkette, lo these many years.


You shot to superstardom with just one plaintive bitchfest, but your flame burned too bright, especially after desperate sad man John McCain seized, desperately and sadly, on your "common man" "Joe Sixpack" ... earthiness. (Stupidity.) After that, you tried to do some common grifting, and it sort of worked for a while (we guess).

But your gravy train ended, and so you ran for Congress, living on campaign cash.

But because you are the world's laziest man, you didn't even work at that.

You wrote a book we guess?

Because you are a muppet, you toured the country for a piece of legislation, but did not actually know what it said or did.

Because you are a big strong man, you threatened to physically kick the shit out of Nancy Pelosi.

You said some bullshit about "queers," and then yelled at the ladies what asked you about it.

You told stupid hippies paying taxes is awesome and they should stop being common moochers, like you.

You said Jews caused the Holocaust by not having guns.

You said you would like to shoot Mexicans.

You received 24 percent of the vote.

.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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