Weird Dilbert Guy Presents Airtight Case: Joe Biden Might Be Satan
Top Trump fan Scott Adams, creator of the "Dilbert" comic strip, offered some new lazy trolling this week to help advance the public discourse on the 2020 election. Adams has previously predicted that if Joe Biden becomes president, there's a "good chance you will be dead within the year," because "Police will stand down" and "Republicans will be hunted." In a Tuesday livestream captured by RightWingWatch, Adams said that even though he's not a believer in God or the Devil, he couldn't help but notice there are a whole lot of "satanic coincidences" around Joe Biden and his campaign. Nothing says "I am making a serious argument" like saying you don't believe in the basic premise you're pushing. Still, wingnut trolls always appreciate new material, so Adams provided a tutorial.
You see, Biden did that speech at the DNC where he said he hoped that America could escape the darkness that Trump has brought to the country, and pledged to "be an ally of the light." Aha! says Adams, what more proof do you need of Biden's perfidy?
What is happening as he's speaking? As he's speaking and saying, you know, "bringing the light to the darkness," cities are actually on fire. California is on fire. [...]
So, if you're Satan, wouldn't you expect that Satan would speak in terms which are true but misleading? Meaning that he will bring you the light, but there's a catch: It's fire, and it's burning your stuff. That's exactly what Satan would say if Satan existed.
Wow, that's very deep and symbolic, and just look at how America is burning down while Joe Biden is president right now. He's really doing a terrible job.
We'd like to tell you it got better, but the stupid claims thump along for seven minutes without getting any smarter. Here's the video:
You want another uncanny coincidence? Satan lives underground, and Joe Biden never leaves his basement! Look, if Donald Trump says Biden lives only in his basement, it's true. And Adams certainly can't think of anyone else who lives underground, can you? (No you cannot, shut up with your missile silo and bunker dwellers.) So there's more evidence, not that Biden is possessed or anything, says Adams, but if Biden were a meat puppet for the Dark One, "it would look exactly like this."
Adams (himself named for one of the original sinners who arrogantly rejected God's authority) explicated that the names "Joe Biden" and Kamala Harris" also have uncanny satanic meanings. Which you kinda have to do if you're going to stay true to the great tradition of every evangelical dipshit who ever railed about the obvious fact that barcodes are the Mark of the Beast.
More to the point, it's the sort of Encyclopedia Brown-level cryptology beloved by the QAnon dorks who also think Adams is a very smart man. It's super stupid, but sure why not. For one thing, Satan hides in plain sight, so please note that Biden's slogan, "Build Back Better," has the initials BBB, and could translate to 666 if you lop off the top-right part of the B's and also squish them a little and frankly make them so they're nothing like B's. (Also, damn those sneaky demons at the Better Business Bureau.) But "Joe Biden" can also be manipulated to equal 666, if you're a reasonably bright troll with time on his hands:
Did you know if you took the capital letter J — just imagine the capital letter J in your mind — now think of the next letter in "Joe." It's an O. Now just move with your mind the O to the left until it's on top of the J. It's a backward six. [...] Now suppose the next letter is the lowercase E. What does a lowercase E look like if you turn it upside down? Well, it looks like a six.
So you've got the J and O together. If you combine them it looks like a backward six. You've got this lowercase E that looks like an upside-down six, but that's just two sixes. Six, six wouldn't mean anything, right? But the next letter is capital B for Biden, and capital B is where you hide your six. So even J-O-E-B is 666.
Add the rest of his name, "iden," and the entire nefarious design becomes plain: it stands for "identity," so 666-identity, and he's telling you exactly who he is! Also, "Kamala" and "Harris" each have six letters, and "vice president of the United States" is six letters, so there you go!
Best darn decoding since somebody noticed back in 1980 that each of Ronald Wilson Reagan's names has six letters. [It was MAD Magazine, you IDIOT. — Editrix]
Ah, but what's puzzling us is the nature of his game.
Adams keeps reminding us he doesn't actually believe in religion, so what's the point of any of this? No point at all! He's just raising fascinating questions, you see. It's trolling for the sake of trolling.
But why such Crom-awful stupid trolling?
Haha, that is exactly the joke! Adams said a dumb thing, you stupid libs pointed at it and said, "That's really dumb," and that means he wins, because you're so triggered. CRY MORE, LIBS!
No, really, that is the entirely of the joke. If you say it's stupid, you're the stupid one. If you point out that doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense, you REALLY lose. If you shake your head at the idiocy of it all, you just don't get how deeply you've been owned. Why are you hitting yourself? I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you.
That's how Trump will be reelected!
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