Well-Rounded Killer Derek Chauvin Also Accused Tax Cheat, Vote- Frauder
Minneapolis police arrested George Floyd on Memorial Day because he committed the heinous act of getting stuck with a fake $20. Not long afterward, then-Officer Derek Chauvin killed Floyd while his accomplices in blue stood and watched like cowards. Chauvin was rightly charged with second-degree murder, but this week he was charged with nine additional felony counts of tax fraud. That's at least as bad as Floyd's “attempted forgery." It's a good thing Chauvin's no longer a cop or he'd have to press his knee into his own neck.
Chauvin and his wife, Kellie, who's currently divorcing his sorry ass, are accused of trying to dodge Minnesota taxes by claiming Florida residency because he's such a devoted public servant. Minnesota taxes paid his salary but he didn't feel obligated to contribute.
According to the criminal complaint filed Wednesday, investigators established that the Chauvins were obviously Minnesota residents but claimed they lived in Florida. The
Capones Chauvins didn't file Minnesota tax returns for 2016, 2017 or 2018. They were only slightly more honest in 2014 and 2015: They filed Minnesota returns but allegedly underreported their income. They “forgot" about Chauvin's off-duty security work and Kellie Chauvin's photography income.
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The Chauvins purchased a $100,000 BMW X5 from a Minnetonka dealership in 2018. This is what we mean when we talk about defunding the police. No cop deserves a $100,000 car unless it's parked in the cave underneath their stately manor. They used Florida driver's licenses, which I'm not sure they obtained entirely on the up and up, registered the vehicle in Florida, and paid Florida sales taxes. Minnesota sales tax is 6.875 percent compared to Florida's six percent. That's a “savings" of roughly $1,000. I probably would've paid the Minnesota sales tax and just gone with less flashy rims, but then I'm not a tax cheat.
Most conservatives will boast that cheating the taxman this way is good, old-fashioned common sense, but if the cops threaten to kill a Black kid who shoplifts a toy, well, that's just the law. Blue lives matter! Fuck them all.
The Chauvins had their BMW serviced 11 times since they purchased the apparent piece of shit — each time in Minnesota. Investigators could find no evidence of service in Florida. I'm starting to suspect they aren't Florida residents.
Kellie Chauvin admitted to investigators that they changed their residency to Florida because it was cheaper to register a car. She must've had grand plans for that $1,000. The couple own a condo outside Orlando, but she claimed she only spent December and January in Florida, making her like one of millions of “snowbirds." Florida has no state income tax (and it shows!) but Minnesota's state income tax would've been at least seven percent based on what was likely the Chauvins' combined income. You can never tell with them.
Derek Chauvin was listed as a Florida resident on his Minnesota real estate license. It's unclear how you can live in Florida while selling real estate and killing Black people in Minnesota. The commute must've been brutal. Chauvin is registered to vote in Florida, which he did in 2016 and 2018. I blame him for Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis. Prosecutors are investigating whether Chauvin also violated Florida voting laws.
The criminal complaint alleges that Kellie Chauvin straight-up confessed to their tax dodging during a jailhouse telephone call with her husband. She might've known the call was recorded if she'd ever watched a mob movie in her life.
KELLIE CHAUVIN: Yeah well we don't want to get your dad involved because he will just be mad at me ... I mean us for not doing them for years.
According to the charges, the Chauvins owed a total of $21,853 in taxes, which comes out to $37,868 with interest and assorted penalties.
From the Star Tribune:
The county attorney called the Chauvins' tax troubles "run of the mill, but it just happens to be the [police officer] sitting in Oak Park [Heights prison]. … The guy owes us money, and I want to collect. I don't care about his other problems."
That's badass. He's like a bounty hunter.
Roughly 10 percent (or fewer!) of Minneapolis Police officers actually live in Minneapolis, which you'd think would be the least the city could ask. Gov. Tim Walz is expected to sign legislation Thursday that would “provide new incentives" for Minneapolis cops to live in Minneapolis or even just Minnesota. Black residents deserve better.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).