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MURDERRRRRRR.


So here's a thing that happened in Indianapolis Monday: Donald Trump had lunch with his now-exonerated Head Thug Corey Lewandowski, his social media director (and former golf caddie) Dan Scavino, and a dude who isn't officially part of the Trump campaign at all, Ed Klein. You may remember Klein, if you do at all, as the author of the 2005 scandalmongering book The Truth About Hillary which was notable for being so poorly-sourced that a lot of conservative Hillary-haters condemned it.

The Washington Post's Philip Rucker describes Klein, perhaps a bit charitably, as

perhaps best known for his series of bombshell books spreading rumors and innuendo, much of it discredited, about the Clintons. Klein's latest writings have centered on former secretary of state and senator Hillary Clinton's personal health and former president Bill Clinton's sexual adventures.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/109572/ed-kleins-next-big-scoop"></a>[/wonkbar]We haven't read Klein's magnum opus, but among other innuendos, he described Hillary Clinton as "asexual" when she attended Wellesley, but also hinted she was a big old lesbo. The evidence? At a reunion, she ran her hand over the "butch" haircut of a gal pal.

And then there's the really ugly -- and also anonymously-sourced -- stuff, like the allegation that Chelsea Clinton was conceived in an act of marital rape when the Clintons were visiting Bermuda. Really, Klein said he talked to someone who knew all about it, and was there, for sure. Rightwing smear artists love crazy theories about how Chelsea was conceived. Klein's account almost seems credible compared to Texas conspiracy buff Robert Morrow, who agrees Hillary is a bulldagger but insists Chelsea's daddy was actually Web Hubbell.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601108/after-primary-wins-trump-declares-self-nominee-president-god-emperor-of-dune"></a>[/wonkbar]So yeah, imagine that -- Donald Trump has declared himself the presumptuous Republican nominee, and he's hanging out with an expert in sketchily-sourced dirt on the Clintons. Whatever could they have been chatting about? Rucker was appropriately circumspect, because he is a real journalist, and didn't get close enough to listen in:

It could not be determined what the foursome discussed over their Reuben sandwiches -- Klein, who rode to and from the restaurant in the same vehicle as Trump in a Secret Service motorcade, said he is following Trump around for a couple of days to gather material for a new book. But the visit with Klein comes as Trump promises to debut new attacks on the stump about the Clintons.

Yr Wonket has no such scruples, of course, so we're pretty sure Klein spent the lunch explaining to Trump some important facts from his book, like these important questions:

Was it true they slept in separate beds?

Were there any telltale signs on the presidential sheets that they ever had sex with each other?

For that matter, did the Big Girl have any interest in sex with a man?

Or, as was widely rumored, was she a lesbian?

Some people were offended by such impertinent questions about the First Lady.

But Hillary Clinton only had herself to blame for the talk about her sex life.

Or how about these vital bits of oppo research?

She was a mother, but she wasn't maternal.

She was a wife, but had no wifely instincts.

She said she was passionately in love with her husband, but many of her closest friends and aides were lesbians.

She inspired fierce loyalty among her followers, but she frequently stabbed them in the back.

She professed to be a devout Christian, but she cheated and lied at the drop of a hat.

Not to mention, of course, the well-known fact that Hillary the asexual lesbian had an affair with Vince Foster and then MURDERED him.

In fact, the short version of the Trump-Klein lunchtime conversation probably went something like this:

Trump: Murder?

Klein: Murder!

Trump: Emails?

Klein: MURDER!!

Trump: Huma Abedin?

Klein: Lesbian Murder!

Trump: Benghazi?

Klein: MURRRRRDERRRRRRR!!!!!

Trump: Thank you. That's beautiful. Very strong. Very good research. I'm glad we have people like you looking into this. You're a great patriot. Here, have a "Make America Great Again" hat.

Klein (softly): murder.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601337/donald-trump-ted-cruzs-dry-drunk-dad-murdered-jfk-but-maybe"></a>[/wonkbar]But would even a Donald Trump stoop so low as to repeat unsourced gossip from a guy with a well-established reputation as a sleaze merchant? Hahaha, this is a silly question, seeing as how Donald Trump is already Just Asking whether Ted Cruz's daddy killed JFK. With an expert like Ed Klein advising him, we're confident Donald Trump's general election campaign will be every bit as fact-based and well-informed as the primaries have been.

[WaPo / Media Matters / Philip Rucker on Twitter]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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