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MURDERRRRRRR.


So here's a thing that happened in Indianapolis Monday: Donald Trump had lunch with his now-exonerated Head Thug Corey Lewandowski, his social media director (and former golf caddie) Dan Scavino, and a dude who isn't officially part of the Trump campaign at all, Ed Klein. You may remember Klein, if you do at all, as the author of the 2005 scandalmongering book The Truth About Hillary which was notable for being so poorly-sourced that a lot of conservative Hillary-haters condemned it.

The Washington Post's Philip Rucker describes Klein, perhaps a bit charitably, as

perhaps best known for his series of bombshell books spreading rumors and innuendo, much of it discredited, about the Clintons. Klein's latest writings have centered on former secretary of state and senator Hillary Clinton's personal health and former president Bill Clinton's sexual adventures.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/109572/ed-kleins-next-big-scoop"></a>[/wonkbar]We haven't read Klein's magnum opus, but among other innuendos, he described Hillary Clinton as "asexual" when she attended Wellesley, but also hinted she was a big old lesbo. The evidence? At a reunion, she ran her hand over the "butch" haircut of a gal pal.

And then there's the really ugly -- and also anonymously-sourced -- stuff, like the allegation that Chelsea Clinton was conceived in an act of marital rape when the Clintons were visiting Bermuda. Really, Klein said he talked to someone who knew all about it, and was there, for sure. Rightwing smear artists love crazy theories about how Chelsea was conceived. Klein's account almost seems credible compared to Texas conspiracy buff Robert Morrow, who agrees Hillary is a bulldagger but insists Chelsea's daddy was actually Web Hubbell.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601108/after-primary-wins-trump-declares-self-nominee-president-god-emperor-of-dune"></a>[/wonkbar]So yeah, imagine that -- Donald Trump has declared himself the presumptuous Republican nominee, and he's hanging out with an expert in sketchily-sourced dirt on the Clintons. Whatever could they have been chatting about? Rucker was appropriately circumspect, because he is a real journalist, and didn't get close enough to listen in:

It could not be determined what the foursome discussed over their Reuben sandwiches -- Klein, who rode to and from the restaurant in the same vehicle as Trump in a Secret Service motorcade, said he is following Trump around for a couple of days to gather material for a new book. But the visit with Klein comes as Trump promises to debut new attacks on the stump about the Clintons.

Yr Wonket has no such scruples, of course, so we're pretty sure Klein spent the lunch explaining to Trump some important facts from his book, like these important questions:

Was it true they slept in separate beds?

Were there any telltale signs on the presidential sheets that they ever had sex with each other?

For that matter, did the Big Girl have any interest in sex with a man?

Or, as was widely rumored, was she a lesbian?

Some people were offended by such impertinent questions about the First Lady.

But Hillary Clinton only had herself to blame for the talk about her sex life.

Or how about these vital bits of oppo research?

She was a mother, but she wasn't maternal.

She was a wife, but had no wifely instincts.

She said she was passionately in love with her husband, but many of her closest friends and aides were lesbians.

She inspired fierce loyalty among her followers, but she frequently stabbed them in the back.

She professed to be a devout Christian, but she cheated and lied at the drop of a hat.

Not to mention, of course, the well-known fact that Hillary the asexual lesbian had an affair with Vince Foster and then MURDERED him.

In fact, the short version of the Trump-Klein lunchtime conversation probably went something like this:

Trump: Murder?

Klein: Murder!

Trump: Emails?

Klein: MURDER!!

Trump: Huma Abedin?

Klein: Lesbian Murder!

Trump: Benghazi?

Klein: MURRRRRDERRRRRRR!!!!!

Trump: Thank you. That's beautiful. Very strong. Very good research. I'm glad we have people like you looking into this. You're a great patriot. Here, have a "Make America Great Again" hat.

Klein (softly): murder.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601337/donald-trump-ted-cruzs-dry-drunk-dad-murdered-jfk-but-maybe"></a>[/wonkbar]But would even a Donald Trump stoop so low as to repeat unsourced gossip from a guy with a well-established reputation as a sleaze merchant? Hahaha, this is a silly question, seeing as how Donald Trump is already Just Asking whether Ted Cruz's daddy killed JFK. With an expert like Ed Klein advising him, we're confident Donald Trump's general election campaign will be every bit as fact-based and well-informed as the primaries have been.

[WaPo / Media Matters / Philip Rucker on Twitter]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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