What Do You Think About Stacey Campfield's Imaginary Girlfriend? Is She Imaginary? (Yes)

News

April 12, 2013 09:50 AM

Poor Stacey Campfield. The Tennessee "law" maker'sepic run for Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year suffered a setback yesterday, when his "Starve the Dumb Kids" bill was murdered dead by his own colleagues. Blah blah blah "policy," who cares? What we really want to know is how imaginary is Stacey Campfield's imaginary girlfriend? Snuffleupagus-imaginary, in that she just hasn't managed to ever be in a room with the grownups at the same time? Manti Teo-imaginary, and soon we shall learn of her tragic case of tuberculosis and her subsequent passing, like Camille, a flower too soon blown? Is she Donnie Darko rabbit-level imaginary? Harvey-level? Or is she just garden-variety imaginary, like your high school boyfriend from Canada?

Nashville Scene brings us the scoop on the eligible bachelor's lurve life, and it is ... well, it is sad, probably. The probing comes during his deposition for totally libeling that Democrat and then being like, I didn't say it, another guy said it, and then I just printed it on my blog. And if news outlets can report on things I do, that is the same as saying someone is a criminal when he is not, because of how I am a legal genius what is responsible for actually making laws for an entire state of fucking idiots.

Q: Do you have a family of your own?
Campfield: I have a mother and father, brother and sister.
Q: Have you ever sired a family?
Campfield: Not that I know of.
Q: Do you have a girlfriend?
Campfield: Yes, I do.
Q: What’s her name?
Campfield: What’s the relevance of knowing my girlfriend’s name?
Q: Well, what was your girlfriend in 2008, in the fall of 2008 [when Campfield allegedly libeled the Democrat]?
Campfield: I don’t think that’s relevant.
Campfield’s lawyer: Just answer his question the best you can, Stacey.
Campfield: Her name was Kristen Gee.

OK, we would like to pause here and note the weird construction. He has a girlfriend. Her name was Kristen Gee. Sure, right, but maybe it was a different girlfriend at the time? No. Splain us more, Nashville Scene!

Campfield goes on to say that Kristen lives in New York City and he’s still dating her. In fact, the day before the deposition, he said he gave her “a ride to the bus station.”

Well now we know how she got her tuberculosis anyway. She caught it from Ratso Rizzo on that long Greyhound bus ride home.

[NashvilleScene]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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