What Kind Of 'Foreplay' Is John Boehner Looking For?

What Kind Of 'Foreplay' Is John Boehner Looking For?

John Boehner, the weepy, drunky Speaker of the House who quite honestly would be your Wonkette's favorite person in the world if he were a weepy drunky Dem instead of a scaredy little buttboy for Congress's teabags (can you evenimagine how many shot glasses we would sell with his weepy mug on them?), said a funny thing!

They were jawin' about immigration -- jaw jaw jaw yak yak yak -- and John Boehner said, "How about a little foreplay first?" Yesssss, John Boehner, how about it? (Before you all start commenting about washing your eyeballs with lye, be honest to yourselves and admit that Boehner is a very handsome man. And of course Wonket has daddy issues, why do you ask?)

Let us imagine, together, the kind of foreplay John Boehner might like -- besides Eric Cantor whispering "You're the real boss, John."

We cannot envision, despite the weeping, that he would ever be into adult-baby play, like some freakos your Wonket known, so that is out. But we can imagine him doing fat rails with very matoor 13-year-olds, like The Colonel in Boogie Nights.

What we really see, though, is some swanky '70s-style romantic boudoir action, with tickling with long pink feathers (because classy) and lavender satin sheets (because ELP's "Lucky Man," basically). Also: about two liters of vodka, and whisky dick.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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