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What Kind Of 'Foreplay' Is John Boehner Looking For?

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John Boehner, the weepy, drunky Speaker of the House who quite honestly would be your Wonkette's favorite person in the world if he were a weepy drunky Dem instead of a scaredy little buttboy for Congress's teabags (can you evenimagine how many shot glasses we would sell with his weepy mug on them?), said a funny thing!


They were jawin' about immigration -- jaw jaw jaw yak yak yak -- and John Boehner said, "How about a little foreplay first?" Yesssss, John Boehner, how about it? (Before you all start commenting about washing your eyeballs with lye, be honest to yourselves and admit that Boehner is a very handsome man. And of course Wonket has daddy issues, why do you ask?)

Let us imagine, together, the kind of foreplay John Boehner might like -- besides Eric Cantor whispering "You're the real boss, John."

We cannot envision, despite the weeping, that he would ever be into adult-baby play, like some freakos your Wonket known, so that is out. But we can imagine him doing fat rails with very matoor 13-year-olds, like The Colonel in Boogie Nights.

What we really see, though, is some swanky '70s-style romantic boudoir action, with tickling with long pink feathers (because classy) and lavender satin sheets (because ELP's "Lucky Man," basically). Also: about two liters of vodka, and whisky dick.

[TPM]

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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