Donate
Photo by James Ledbetter, Creative Commons license 2.0

Now that William Barr has carefully explained that the Mueller report didn't find enough evidence to prosecute Donald Trump for conspiracy, Republicans are all about proclaiming the Trump 2020 campaign slogan: WELL SHORT OF A FELONY!! Also, please never mind that part where even Barr admitted the report doesn't exonerate Trump of obstruction of justice, because why would anyone care about any other crimes?

Of course, if you want to get all factual about it, not even Barr's letter says Mueller found no evidence of wrongdoing -- just that he couldn't make a criminal case that could be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, as Roll Call explains. Thin though that is, and regardless of what's in the actual report, Trump allies are over the moon and ready to move on to the important business of putting Hillary Clinton in jail forever. Let's watch the Premature Victory Parade!


May as well start with Sean Hannity, who was so moved by Barr's letter that he wrote some authentic Vogon poetry. In all caps:

It's got no beat and you can't dance to it, but it's very satisfying to some people's lizard brains.

Donald Trump's biggest fan in the US Senate, Lindsey Graham, was awfully excited by Barr's declaration that the Trump campaign's actions fell somewhere short of criminal conspiracy:

No collusion and no obstruction. The cloud hanging over President Trump has been removed by this report [...] Bad day for those hoping the Mueller investigation would take President Trump down.

"No collusion and no obstruction" is certainly an accurate reading of "while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it does not exonerate him," isn't it?

And it appears there's still some marital discord in the Conway home over that phrase, too. George Conway was busy correcting Sarah Huckabee Sanders's spelling yesterday:

Meanwhile, on "Fox and Friends" this morning, Kellyanne Conway said it's time for anyone who even suggested Trump acted improperly to lose their job, because of Barr's 100 percent exoneration, and besides, isn't it time to lock up Hillary?

Devin Nunes was very pleased with himself, since he had personally cleared Donald Trump of any wrongdoing a whole year ago:

The whole thing was false! Or at least it fell short of a recommendation to prosecute the "president," which is exactly the same thing.

Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas), suggested Democrats are now just a bunch of hypocrites for refusing to accept they were completely absolutely wrong, because obviously, Mueller exonerated Trump or something:

Gosh, how about a release of the full report -- and the evidence Mueller actually found -- and then we'll have a far better idea of how well Mueller actually did?

It's almost as if these crazy Dems won't take a four-page summary for an answer. How awful of them!

Mind you, the Trump 2020 campaign is already rolling with a fundraising appeal claiming flawless victory, converting not enough evidence to convict into no evidence whatsoever, because that is for sure how facts work:

COLLUSION HOAX! youtu.be

That ... seems an awful lot of work for the phrase "While this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him" to be carrying. Particularly given the fudge factor of another line from Barr's very carefully worded letter, as Evan highlighted for you earlier:

"The Special Counsel did not find that the Trump campaign, or anyone associated with it, conspired or coordinated with the Russian government in these efforts, despite multiple offers from Russian-affiliated individuals to assist the Trump campaign."

So hey, that's a hell of a very narrowly defined not-quite-a-crime, huh? Suck it, libs, Donald Trump Is Jesus and now the matter is settled.

Not that we'd have expected anything other than a declaration of victory from these wieners anyway. Also, in case you want further proof that we're all living in the UpsideDown now, here are some thoughts from rightwing loony Joe Walsh, who remains terrible but also doesn't have to run as a Republican anymore. When he starts seeming sane, things are definitely headed weird:



Funny, not a lot of Republicans are saying much about the Russian hacking part of the reported conclusions, either. By the end of the day, Trump will probably be tweeting Mueller said that was fake too.

[NBC News / CNN / Roll Call / TPM / Photo: James Ledbetter, Creative Commons license 2.0]

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money and we'll keep sending you TRUTH. Also dick jokes.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

$
Donate with CC

In this increasingly polarized society we live in, it's hard to find any kind of consensus on anything -- but one would think that there would still be a few things here and there that we could all agree upon. One also might assume that one of those things would be "drinking bleach is a bad idea."

But if one were to do that, they would be wrong. Because the Genesis II Church is holding a seminar today in Washington State in order to promote the use of a substance they call "Miracle Mineral Solution," which they consider a miracle cure for every disease on earth, and which the FDA and anyone who can read ingredients would consider "industrial bleach."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

This past November, far right dingbat Laura Loomer was finally kicked off of Twitter after tweeting a bunch of crazy ass hateful shit about Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar. To put it mildly, she was not happy about it. In fact, she kind of lost her fucking mind (what was left of it anyway) and ended up handcuffing herself to Twitter headquarters in order to protest the ban. She's been yelling about it ever since -- though since she's not on Twitter, few have even noticed.

Filled with desperation and with nowhere else left to turn, she is bringing her case to court and suing Twitter in hopes that a judge and jury will force the social media company to give her back her account so that she can continue to use it to scream horrible things about Muslim people all day long. This is what she is currently doing on Instagram, where she just recently went on a charming rant all about how much she hates Reps. Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar (yes, again), stating that Islam is a "cancer" and that "Muslims should not be allowed to seek positions of political office in this country. It should be illegal."

With statements like that, it is hard to believe that Twitter, or anyone, for that matter, would not be thrilled to have a normal human person like Laura Loomer on their site.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc