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Well! Susan Collins is mighty put out with that Christine Blasey Ford, who refuses to accede to the Senate Judiciary Committee's demands and sit for a hearing RIGHT FUCKING NOW, before the FBI has even had a chance to investigate the matter of whether Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh tried to rape her 36 years ago. (Not that the Republicans want an investigation or anything. Why would you investigate a silly rape allegation from somebody who's probably just "mixed up," like Senator Orrin Hatch says? Pfffffffft!)

Collins appeared on some Maine radio thingie on Wednesday, and luckily, journalists were listening, because we're not about to go looking for the audio:


She just doesn't understand, bless her heart.

(Psssssst, Senator Collins: There hasn't been an FBI investigation yet and Dr. Blasey Ford and her family have had to go into hiding because people who vote for your political party have been threatening and harassing and death threating her. There's two reasons we thought of real fast, guess because Wonkette is WAY FUCKING SMARTER than a common Maine GOP senator.)

She added that the "the timing is certainly very unfortunate and I think unfair," we guess to the Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee and to Judge Maybe Rapey and to Donald Trump. Collins did express sympathy for Dr. Blasey Ford, in the context of criticizing Senator Dianne Feinstein for holding onto this information so long. It's not like Dr. Blasey Ford was hoping she could remain anonymous or anything, OH WAIT THAT'S RIGHT, SHE WAS HOPING THAT. Unfortunately, she had to change course on that when information about her anonymous letter started to leak. We also surmise that maybe Dr. Blasey Ford was hoping all the other available damning and disqualifying evidence against Kavanaugh would prevent people like Susan Collins, champion of women, from getting YET AGAIN rolled and voting to confirm that gross motherfucker to the court.

Truly, Dr. Blasey Ford will know for future reference that Susan Collins is not very good at this and plan accordingly.

Class, gather round, as we present the CliffsNotes version of What We Know Right Now about Brett Kavanaugh, in case Senator Susan Collins of Maine falls off a turnip truck into this blog post and decides to learn things for the first time in her entire life:

  • ANY FUCKING MORON CAN TELL THE MAN WANTS TO REPEAL ROE V. WADE, which Susan Collins supposedly is sworn to protect, yet she continues to play "brand new" about this.
  • Brett Kavanaugh has been credibly accused of trying to rape a girl when he was 17 and she was 15.
  • Confronted with the accusation, Brett Kavanaugh pretended he never met that girl at that party he never went to in the first place, much like he pretended like he had never met a lawyer from Kasowitz, Benson and Torres under questioning from Senator Kamala Harris. It was revealed soon after that one of his oldest pals is a PARTNER there, at the firm he had never heard of and could not even pronounce!
  • Brett Kavanaugh's accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, told her husband about the abuse.
  • Blasey Ford also told her therapist about the abuse, in marriage counseling.
  • Blasey Ford took a polygraph and passed. Brett Kavanaugh hasn't jumped at the opportunity to do the same.
  • Blasey Ford's high school friends are starting to come forward to say they heard about this incident at the time.
  • The only other witness to the event claims he has no recollection of the incident, which is reasonable since he's chronicled his alcohol abuse at that time in his life and the fact that he was often blackout drunk, in books.
  • Donald Trump and the GOP and Bart O'Kavanaugh don't want an investigation into this. The Democrats and Christine Blasey Ford do. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU ABOUT WHO IS PROBABLY LYING HERE?
  • Brett Kavanaugh, as we learned in the confirmation hearings, has been shown to be a man who's not afraid to lie under oath. Why would he tell the truth about this? And why would he tell the truth once he's under oath?

Susan Collins should fucking know better. Any goddamned idiot can look at the facts we have right now and say, "Know what? Let's back up. Let's have that investigation. Let's not pressure Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, whose family is being threatened right now, into showing up for a hearing like FIVE FUCKING MINUTES FROM NOW, just because a bunch of shit-eating misogynistic Republicans like Chuck Grassley and Lindsey Graham insist that based on their very busy schedule, which they just made up right now, they MUST do a hearing on Monday, so they can go ahead and vote a possible rapist onto the Supreme Court. We should take the time to get this right."

ANY. GODDAMNED. IDIOT.

Except Susan Collins, we guess. We guess that particular goddamned idiot is dumber than a common Donald Trump, or she just doesn't care about women as much as she says she does.

Please send this Wonkette post to Susan Collins and tell her to do the right thing for the first time in her goddamned life, and remind her that people are still raising money for her 2020 opponent. And if she calls that a "bribe" again, please correct her and explain that it is more properly understood as a THREAT. Oh, and tell her to tell her GOP colleagues that if we out here in US America can see that they're bluffing about how they want Christine Blasey Ford to show up to this hearing on Monday SO BAD, and that they really really REALLY don't want that to happen, Christine Blasey Ford can see it too. And she just might call their bluff.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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