Oh Hey It's Your Last Day To Buy Yay Cool Liberal Shwag For Christmas!
HOLA SUCKERS. Just reupping this and saying get your orders in TODAY if you want them mailed by tomorrow and underneath the gay mistletoe for Christmas! OK BYE!
Regular Wonkette readers all know already about the fine and fabulous merchandise they can get here from us, the dirty liberals at Wonkette, because we tell them ALL. THE. TIME. But perhaps you are not a slavish Wonkette reader, and you are having trouble figuring out what to buy for the War on Christmas for your depressed, gin-soaked loved one who is still having trouble "taking a shower" and "not being drunk" and just keeps mumbling and crying and mumble-crying! We, as always, are here to help! Hate Paypal? We finally -- FINALLLLLY -- made an option at our Wonkette Bazaar to buy with Amazon Pay! Message: we care?
NOW BUY THE FOLLOWING!
This Hillary Clinton t-shirt. It's so soft! It is perfect for wearing to sleep and dreaming that Donald Trump is not in fact our president-elect! It's collectible! You buy it now.
This hat! It is not drunk and depressed, it is drunk and FIGHTY! We have 50 more of these, because the factory forgot to send us the other 150. Soon we will have 200 of these! They go fast.
This game! Your liberal loved one does not want to play this game right now, but your Trumper loved one does! (I do not have a Trumper loved one, and I'm sorry that you do.) Anyway, it is "fun," FOR THEM.
This Wonkette T-shirt! It has a sexy kitten, with a whip!
This Wonkette onesie! It has an unsexy kitten, without a whip! (Adult sizes here.)
Baby Elizabeth Warren? YES. (Also cups, totes, grownup tees, etc. Click "available products.")
This Wonkette tote bag! It can carry your organic quinoa from the farmers market.
These cups, which we are not allowed to advertise! Send an email to rebecca at wonkette dot com and say "I would like a SECRET CUP or possibly a T-shirt if you still have it in my size!" and I will email you back and say "SEND ME SECRET MONEY in the paypal, and we will GET R DUN!"
OH NO WONKETTE BABY HAS BEEN DRIVEN TO DRINK. Water probably, or juice.
This Fuck You America T-shirt or tote bag or whatever else we put it on, I forget. (Scroll down and hit "available products," and let me know what we put them on! As I recall it was all kinds of things!)
Truck Fump? Yes thank you, or no thank you, depending on how literally you want to take that suggestion! It too is on other things, hit "available products," you can do it!
A gift certificate! Email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com and say I WANT A GIFT CERTIFICATE for THIS MANY MUNEEZ, and we will make you up one purty.
A Wonkette "Ad-Fewer" subscription. Wonkette is crawling with awful ads, because of how we have to pay our dumb staffers a stupid living wage. For $4.99 a month (OR MORE!), you can give your dear one a gift of all the fake news -- THANKS ALEX JONES! -- we see fit to pee on. The only ads you'll see are static ones in the sidebar for us and our actual real-life good liberal friends -- and no trackers following you around and selling your info to Wells Fargo or whomever. Give the gift of KNOWLEDGE! And dick jokes. We do those too.
The first taste is free.
Don't want any of these, because somehow even though you are at Wonkette, you are a dumb? If you're going to do some shopping at Amazon, why not click through to Amazon in our link over there ------->
in the sidebar, and give a little cut to Wonkette? You're nice.
Be sure to buy this week, so we can get all your nice packages underneath your Heathen Holiday Tree!
We love you. The end.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.