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Poot Lips.


It's been a slow first week of 2018, sure thing! No reason to liveblog Sarah Huckabee Sanders's press briefing today or anything. UNLESS she gets some fun questions about that new book Michael Wolff wrote, the one where Steve Bannon 69s with a blow-up doll of Steve Bannon, and in the process accuses pretty much everybody Donald Trump has ever met of treason! The Trump White House has released a "statement from the president" about how GRRR ARGH Donald Trump is about the whole situation, so we can only assume our beloved press secretary "Poot Lips" is also angry ON HER PRESIDENT'S BEHALF.

Therefore she will lie, early and often, with her trademark joie de vivre, as they so rarely say during Huckabee family armpit fart contests.

She may also get questions about how Paul Manafort is suing Robert Mueller for hurting his feelings.

Or questions about how Fusion GPS just handed Trump and the GOP their asses on a platter over their Steele Dossier conspiracy theories.

Or questions about where does one buy a ruler small enough to judge a staring contest between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un's little "buttons."

Anyway, this is a liveblog. Watch with us! Pray we don't fall asleep in the middle!

3:25: Oh hello! Sarah Huckabee is, in fact, here to lie to us!

Sanders says Donald Trump Jr. did NOT do treasons like Steve Bannon says, and also says that Trump's base (which is NOT Steve Bannon's base) is FORD TOUGH and still loves the president. So there are some lies!

3:28: QUESTION: Based on his rage tweets at North Korea, is Trump fucking crazy?

SHS: No, he is totally normal and sane!

MORE LIES.

3:30: SHS says Michael Wolff has never been to the White House and never been to Washington and was never even born probably.

MORE LIES!

3:31: Ah, there it is! Despite how we know for a FACT that Steve Bannon and Reince Priebus were pretty much on the same level at the beginning of the Trump administration, Poot Lips now claims Bannon was the coffee boy.

3:33: Despite how Poot Lips looks VERY POOT LIPS in this picture, her demeanor today is actually kind of "I drank three cough medicines to get ready for this briefing today and now I am EASY BREEZY."

3:37: Sarah Huckabee Sanders, on whether it is "taunting" when Trump says he has a bigger "button" than Kim Jong-Un: "I THINK IT'S JUST A FACT."

That's right, Trump, Poot Lips just complimented your peen on live TV.

3:40: This press corps needs to get a little more combative, we think. They are getting lulled into complacency, and thus boring the shit out of us more and more every time we watch.

3:43: QUESTION: If Steve Bannon "lost his mind" after he was quitfired from White House this summer, why did Trump keep staying up all night trying to french kiss him through the telephone for so long after that?

SHS: The heart wants what the heart wants? The president entertains lunatics frequently? He is himself a lunatic? Quick, somebody ask me about #PieGate!

3:45: AND FOR HER FINAL QUOTE:

"People are entitled to their own opinions, but they're not entitled to their own facts."

Yes, those words were just said from the dais in the James Brady Briefing Room in the FUCKING TRUMP WHITE HOUSE, THE BIRTHPLACE OF "ALTERNATIVE FACTS," THE BIRTHPLACE OF "FAKE NEWS," OH MY GOD 2018 IS GOING TO SUUUUUUUCK.

Anyway, it is over now! Goodbye! Click on the very big "button" below to give us money for liveblogging you!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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