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If you are a Trump asshole co-conspirator caught up in Donald Trump's impeachment scandal, you are probably in Italy right now. Everybody's going to Italy these days, it's so great, being in Italy. Mike Pompeo is there right now slumming it with Sebastian Gorka (who posted the weirdest video on Twitter yesterday, we don't think it was supposed to be funny, but watch it just to see how obviously sexy he thinks he is), and in the process Pompeo managed to finally admit he's been lying about his knowledge of Trump's Ukraine treason call, considering how he was listening on the line.

We are sure we'll find out soon that Pompeo was in Italy to commit some sort of light treason, since he's reportedly meeting with the same Italian intelligence officials ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR met with on the latest leg of his make-believe "fact-finding" trip to rewrite the history of the 2016 election to save President Fuckshit's wounded ego and probably create a false pretense for lifting Russian sanctions.

Oh yes, also an Italian lady tried to give Pompeo some cheese and it really didn't go well.

But back to Barr, as he is the point of the fuckshow that is this current blog post! As we were discussing Tuesday, at least part of the focus of Barr's jet-setting globe-trotting escapade appears to be centered on getting other countries to help him create a full-of-shit lie narrative about the 2016 election to discredit the Mueller Report, wherein actually the very things that set off the FBI's Russia investigation were actually a Deep State plot to crucify poor innocent Donald Trump's campaign actually.

(It is really weird they have to discredit the Mueller Report, since it exonerated Trump so much, but sometimes things are just complicated.)

In this laughable reimagining of reality, a Russian-adjacent MYSTERIOUS MALTESE PERFESSER named Joseph Mifsud didn't tell Trump campaign foreign policy idiot George Papadopoulos that Russia had all the email dirts on Hillary, after which a white-girl-wasted Pap blabbed about that information to an Australian diplomat in London, who then went to the FBI. Au contraire, what REALLY happened is that a HILLARY DEEP STATE told George Papadopoulos TRICKERY about Russia having all the email dirts on Hillary, which was intended to entrap Pap into ... getting white-girl wasted and blabbing about that information to a HILLARY DEEP STATE in London? We think?

Look, they haven't thought it through. Their point, as usual, is SQUIRREL!

The Daily Beast reports on Barr's recent trip to Italy with US Attorney John Durham, whom Barr deputized to investigate the investigators, during which they apparently heard a taped deposition from Joseph Mifsud, the mysterious perfesser type who told Pap all the dirty Russian Hillary dirts in the first place, and then seemed to fall off the face of God's green earth.


The Daily Beast has learned that Barr and Durham were especially interested in what the Italian secret service knew about Joseph Mifsud, the erstwhile professor from Malta who had allegedly promised then-candidate Donald Trump's campaign aide George Papadopoulos he could deliver Russian "dirt" on Hillary Clinton. The Italian justice ministry's public records show that Mifsud had applied for police protection in Italy after disappearing from Link University, where he worked and, in doing so, had given a taped deposition to explain just why people might want to harm him.

A source in the Italian Ministry of Justice, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told The Daily Beast that Barr and Durham were played the tape. A second source within the Italian government also confirmed to The Daily Beast that Barr and Durham were shown other evidence the Italians had on Mifsud.

The Daily Beast says a couple Italian newspapers even insinuated that Mifsud actually met face-to-face with Barr, but Mifsud's lawyer Stephan Roh was like NOPE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM!

We should note right here, though, that according to independent journalist Scott Stedman, who was actually on this story before the Daily Beast was, and whose sources seem great and wow, Stephan Roh actually seems to be one of the primary people pushing the conspiracy theory -- held by Papadopoulos and probably Barr and Trump and QAnon and people who believe the moon isn't real -- that actually Joseph Mifsud is western intelligence and wasn't working for Russia at all. DEEP STAAAAAAAATE!

Here's a thread for you. Go down the rabbit hole!

At the end of that thread, Stedman reports that Roh has a "deposition" from Mifsud, which sounds like maybe it's what Barr/Durham saw, which Stedman says is "similar to the affidavit that Joe diGenova got from the Ukrainian prosecutor," WAIT WHAT? We will explain below!

Oh, you didn't know about the affidavit Rudy Giuliani has been waving around on TV, that has all the alleged JOE BIDEN UKRAINIAN CRIME PROOFS! that Trump and Giuliani and maybe Barr have been trying to extort Ukraine for? You didn't know it was an affidavit given by former corrupt Ukrainian prosecutor Viktor Shokin, the very guy Joe Biden and the whole international community wanted fired for corruption, whom Rudy Giuliani has Skyped with? And you didn't know the Shokin affidavit was provided to lawyers for indicted/exiled Ukrainian oligarch Dmytro Firtash, a pro-Russia former business partner/boss of Paul Manafort's, who is reportedly connected with the very top of the Russian mob and who should be extradited to America for bribery charges any day now, but obviously won't be because criminals are in charge of the US Justice Department? And you didn't know the "lawyers" for Firtash we are talking about were FUCKING HUSBAND-AND-WIFE FOX NEWS LAWYERS JOE DIGENOVA AND VICTORIA TOENSING?

Well, now you know!

And Scott Stedman is saying the Mifsud "deposition" that Stephan Roh has is a lot like the Shokin "affidavit" Rudy Giuliani has been waving around.

(Is this impeachment inquiry exhausting you yet? Because we are DYING.)

Oh well, we're sure whatever Mifsud The Mysterious Perfesser who promised sweet Hillary dirts had to say, whether in tape or in person, he was just a very reliable source for Barr and Durham. Or if he did say something reliable like, "Look, my pals, I know a lot of Russian shit but I am now in too deep and I'm legit scared Putin is going to murder me in my sleep," we are sure Barr will report that information back correctly, without flourish, and will treat the matter with the delicacy it deserves.

We'd expect nothing less from Donald Trump's cheap old rentboy version of Roy Cohn, who was named in the whistleblower complaint as a guy Ukraine should get in touch with TOOT SWEET about ratfucking the 2020 election for Trump with fake Joe Biden stories.

Anyway, if you'd like George Papadopoulos's take on all of this -- we know you do! -- um, well, he's on Twitter!

Sure, buddy!

In summary and in conclusion, we hope Bill Barr had a good trip to Italy and got to eat lots of yummy pasta, and we're sure everything he did there was on the up and up, you betcha, CIAO!

Or, you know, the opposite of that.

[Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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