Whatever You Do, DON'T Watch Stormy Daniels Interview On '60 Minutes'! -- Michael Cohen, Superlawyer
Oh hi, Michael Cohen! Look, it's Stormy Daniels with her lawyer Michael Avenatti and Anderson Cooper, fresh off taping an interview to tell the world about all the gross, orange boning she did with the gross, orange president. They all seem super worried about that restraining order you got from that Very Serious Arbitration Court in California. Remember last Wednesday when Sarah Huckabee Sanders realized that she accidentally spilled the beans about it at the White House Press Briefing? LOL!
You should definitely threaten to sue CBS right now if they broadcast Stormy's interview with "60 Minutes." That will ensure that no one watches it and the whole thing goes away. Via Buzzfeed,
Lawyers associated with President Donald Trump are considering legal action to stop 60 Minutes from airing an interview with Stephanie Clifford, the adult film performer and director who goes by Stormy Daniels, BuzzFeed News has learned.
“We understand from well-placed sources they are preparing to file for a legal injunction to prevent it from airing,” a person informed of the preparations told BuzzFeed News on Saturday evening.
Far be it from Wonkette to tell you how to law, Bro, but the courts tend to take a dim view of "prior restraints" on speech -- they're so touchy about the First Amendment and stuff. Plus, Michael, you get that her dancing fee on the Make America Horny Again tour doubles every time you talk shit about her in the papers, right?
Anyway, we've all seen that NDA you drafted with your mad lawyerin' skillz. What a stroke of genius to make it so only Dick Dickington and Peggy Pussington could enforce the agreement! Fake Hush Money Campaign Finance Violation, LLC is a party to the contract, but if Donald Trump wants to keep Stormy quiet, he has to sue her himself. Cooley Law School in the hizzouse!
Look, Michael, we know you're used to sitting in your office at Trump Tower screaming threats into the phone at some poor schlub. But Michael Avenatti sued the NFL, Paris Hilton, and some asshole named Donald Trump along with his producer Mark Burnett for stealing the idea for The Apprentice. Plus, this guy is a professional racecar driver. He ain't afraid of some flunky bag man who can't draft a simple hush money agreement! If you make it out of this with your license to practice law intact, it'll be a goddamn miracle.
SAYS WHO? Says yr Wonkette! And the three million people who will probably watch Sunday's episode of "60 Minutes" after you insisted on keeping it in the news cycle for another three days.
#PLEASE, indeed. You should probably tell your client to start shit tweeting about the case -- that would totally help!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.