Where's Weirdest Place Ex-Sen. Scott Brown And Wife Ever 'Did It'? No, Not In The Butt.
Google made us take down the picture of Scott Brown in Cosmo because "lewd." Thanks Google!
Scott Brown, the man who was sexxay enough to win a Cosmo centerfold contest and the last part of Ted Kennedy's senate term, but not a full term anywhere, recently "made waves" when he and his wife Gail Huff played an amateur version of the "Newlywed Game" on an ocean cruise. Yes, if the very idea of going on one of those Horror Fun Packages -- the sea cruise, not Scott Brown's -- nauseates you, you may be excused from the rest of this article to go read David Foster Wallace's A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again. The high jinks aboard the Norwegian Cruise Lines tour sound simply ghastly, according to the Boston Globe:
Brown set the tone for the festivities by jokingly introducing himself as John Kerry, and much laughter ensued as soon as the questions began.
A passenger who was on the “Norwegian Dawn” cruise and asked not to be named tells us that Brown was asked to guess his wife’s answer to the most unusual place they have ever “made whoopee.” His first answer? On a golf course. (Huff said “no”). Then he guessed an airplane, to which his wife responded that everyone’s done it on an airplane -- that’s not unusual.
We have never done it on a plane. But we have in Flagstaff, Arizona, elevation 6,909 feet, so we insist we qualify for the Mile High Club. But can you guess where Brown and Huff did the deed? Can you? Just guess! No, it is not the infamous real Newlywed Game answer, "In the Butt":
Did you guess yet? No, no, it is not "in Elizabeth Warren's Teepee," either, although Scott Brown and Donald Trump both might find that hi-LAR-ious, too. Here you go:
The passenger said Brown’s final answer -- his US Senate office -- really got the crowd going, especially when Brown turned to the audience and quipped, “That’s right, and you all paid for it!”
Ah, but it also wouldn't be a Republican talking about sex -- not even God-sanctioned heterosexually married sex in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation -- without a deeply awkward attempt to walk it back, too. The Globe called Brown to ask, "Well then, what's all this here, then?" So Brown insisted it was more about comedy bits than naughty bits:
“It was a comedy night on a cruise. It was all in fun. Those are the answers that the cruise directors gave to us. I’ve never fooled around on a golf course, or . . . ”
Perhaps realizing where this line of discussion was going, Brown politely -- and rather abruptly -- ended the conversation.
Well, that was kind of dumb. But no reason not to make it even dumber! Apparently in Today's GOP, marital sex is entirely too racy to even acknowledge the existence of, and certainly not sex in a Senate office, no no no no no never. Brown had to call the reporter back to sexplain. No! He means to NO-SEXplain:
Brown called back to point out that the cruise was a family vacation, and many of his relatives were there, and it was very clear to everyone in the room that he was kidding from the get-go.
“When I said I was John Kerry, that should have given it away,” he said. “Obviously it’s a comedy .. . . It was hysterical.”
And just to be clear: Brown said he did not do it in his office, or any of those places. “I don’t even play golf,” he said. “That is why they gave me that answer.”
We're not sure what's more pathetic about that never-nude retraction: Brown feeling like he needed to make sure no one thought he and his wife, to whom he is married, did it in his office one time, lest they somehow tarnish the good reputation of Richard Brevard Russell or the Russell Senate Office Building, room 317. The explanation of the "joke" like a common John Kerry. Or the truly unsettling possibility he thought he had to do damage control in case he runs for the Senate again somewhere. Maybe Bermuda?
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.