UPDATE: I misunderstood the jobs numbers released today; I thought they were for the past week instead of the month of May. Because of this, I have no idea whether the 40 million jobs lost cited throughout this piece is still "operative," since those 40 million lost jobs included jobs reported lost each week in May, which according to the administration is now a surplus instead. Now I get why everybody was saying the numbers reported today seemed "hinky," and not just because it's Trump and his people and their mouths were moving. Regardless, presumably the extra eight million job losses economists expected in May would not be *on top of* the previous 40 million.

My apologies; most of these specific numbers throughout will no longer apply, but the issues with the PPP and unemployment remain extremely relevant, so do by all means read on!

The jobs numbers are out, the jobs numbers are out! Economists had expected an additional eight million lost jobs for the month of May on top of the previous 40.8 million lost jobs since mid-March. But the feds say 2.5 million jobs were added to payrolls instead! That's good news! It's certainly not bad news — those 8.3 million more lost jobs would have been bad news! — and nobody's wishing for the economy to get even worse. Because we know that when Joe Biden wins in November, Mitch McConnell will do everything in his power to make sure we get a good, honest, old-timey Depression again. For MAGA and such!

But just one tiny thing. Okay, maybe seven tiny things.

Stephen Moore, You Ignorant Slut

Mitch McConnell already didn't want to do a fourth round of stimmy — or second round of stimmy for "people" since we've all been living high on the hog on our $1200 over the past three months. (If you were eligible.) And now, with 2.5 million jobs added back to the 40 million lost so far, he doesn't have to! Everything's fixed! Have fun with your depression, President Biden! Mitch says go fuck yourself!

But will those 2.5 million jobs really make up for the 40 million lost since March? I have done the math, and 40 million is more than 2.5 million? Besides which, the Washington Post says 30 million Americans are still collecting unemployment. Which makes us wonder what happened to that extra 7.5 million people after you subtract 2.5 from 40. They can't all be in Florida.

And in fact, they're not. We've heard from Wonker friends in even not-shit states, like California and New York, that their 12 hours a week of continuing work, down from 50, meant they could not get either state unemployment or that sweet federal $600-a-week add-on. They were supposed to just live on $144 dollars a week.

Meanwhile, people who are not Stephen Moore point out that the Paycheck Protection Program, which can be assumed to have accounted for a good portion of those rehired jobs, only goes through June 30. Once you've spent your PPP loan on payroll through June 30, it's forgiven and you (and I; Wonkette received a subsidy) don't have to pay it back to the feds. Once that subsidy is gone, so the hell will those restaurant and hotel paychecks be. 1.2 million jobs were added back in "hospitality." And two in five of the reclaimed jobs were part-time. All the love in our heart, and good luck, to all of them.

Could we simply have the feds take over payroll, as Pramila Jayapal has proposed? We could! Could we simply send people money every month, as Kamala, Bernie, and Ed Markey have authored? We could do that too! Either! Or both! Or we could unfuck the unemployment systems in every state, and keep people whole that way, so they can spend money on food, and rent or mortgage, and bills, and a treat, and so the remaining businesses don't shut down too.

But nobody ever accused the Trump administration of longterm thinking.

Or really thinking at all.

Which brings me to: Yes, the Wonkette Reader Aid Slush Fund is still going, yes it still needs your help, yes we've helped 135 Wonkers and their families, plus a few souls from Florida, with more than $85,000 sent directly to their little hot hands for food and rent and bills and a treat, and yes the fund is upside down at the moment after Gofundme takes its small chunk, but we're still sending out cash.

If you're still able, you know what to do.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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